Lost Love
by 14anna
Summary: Christian and Anastasia Best friends turned Lovers. An accident change everything. What happens when that accident destroys the most beautiful thing they have? Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, etc. E.L James does and The Fifty Shades books. This only fan fiction. I'm bring just using the characters to bring my story to life... Warning: CHEATING in beginning.
1. Prologue part 1

**LOST LOVE**

 **PROLOGUE Part** **1**

 **ANASTASIA**

NOTHING COMPARES TO WATCHING THE man you love suffer. I would have preferred torture with

a hot poker—I would have preferred death. His hot tears and painful moans were too much. It was breaking me—stealing my life force with every shallow breath he took. I was dying with him. I was in pain with him. And like his, I was bleeding out. My heart was breaking, and I felt as if I were bleeding to death at his side.

He screamed in agony, and the paramedics surrounded him, pushing me to the side.

I couldn't do this.

I wouldn't stand there and watch him die.

Moving to the side, I felt like I was going to faint for the first time in my life. I'd done this to him. I'd put his life in danger, and when he finally took his last breath, there would be no one to blame but me.

I'd planned to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I'd planned to spend the rest of my life with him. The man I loved was dying in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening.

"I'm here, baby. I'll never leave you. Never."

And then he sucked in a deep breath, but he never had a chance to exhale.

"CHRISTIAN"


	2. Prologue part 2

**Prologue part 2**

I DIED.

I watched the man I love take his final breath and die in the back of an ambulance. Losing Christian was a pain that I could never put into words, but losing Christian and father of my child was unbearable.

Christian would never get to hold our baby. He would never get to watch him or her grow and learn. I had taken that from him taken it from myself.

When we pulled up to the hospital and they rushed him out of the back of the ambulance and through the hospital doors, I stood there on the sidewalk, my body completely shutting down. I wanted to follow him, but I couldn't force my legs to move. I couldn't stand facing the end of everything I loved—the end of Christian—the end of me. Going inside the hospital doors would be just that.

The end.

The fucking end.

Looking to the sky, I silently begged God to take me with them—my love.

I pleaded.

Bargained.

How could I survive in this world without him?

How could I continue to live—breathe—when I didn't deserve the right?

And then, when I felt the asphalt against my knees, I let it all melt away and went into a complete and total state of shock.

I clutched my chest, natural panic overwhelming me when I realized I wasn't able to breathe. I sucked in and it was as if the atmosphere around Earth had lost all its oxygen.

Seconds melted into minutes—minutes into hours.

The world around me slowly lit up, and I closed my eyes against its brightness and sighed, hoping the light signified the ethereal glow of heaven and not the sun slowly coming up and forcing me to greet yet another day.

Somehow I'd moved from the ground and I was sitting on the bench just outside the emergency doors. I must have been moved, but I couldn't remember it. My brain wasn't function properly.

In the distance, I heard someone talking to me, but the world had turned into a blur of black and white nothing—colorless and dead.

And then as if I'd been zapped by life itself, I took a deep breath and the world focused.

"Anna!" Mia's hands grabbed at my shoulders, shaking me back to life. "Snap out of it. Christian needs you and the nurse said he's asking for you."

"What?" My voice cracked from disuse.

I'd heard her wrong. Perhaps I hadn't died and gone to heaven, but instead, I was in hell where I belonged. I'd spend eternity burning and reliving his death on repeat.

"He's asking for you," Mia repeated.

"Christian?" I questioned, still unable to fully believe what he was saying. "Christian's alive?"

"Yes," she confirmed slowly, letting the simple word sink in. "It was touch and go in surgery, but he's awake now, and he's asking for you."

I don't know how long I sat outside the hospital, but at some point during my prayers and slow death, the doctors had brought my love back to life—back to me.

He'd died.

I'd watched him die, but after hours of surgery, he was somewhere in the building behind me and he was breathing.

Awake.

Alive.

I'd forever be grateful.

Forever.

My knees were stiff and my legs tingled when Mia pulled me to my feet. My hands were covered in dry, cracked blood when I looked down at them and I quickly tried to wipe his blood from my skin.

The sterile smells of the hospital stung my nose when I went through the automatic doors. Nurses looked at me like I was crazed, but I stared ahead—on a mission to get to him. The elevator ride started out quiet with only Mia's heavy breathing at my side.


	3. Prologue part 3

**Prologue Part 3**

 **Continued...**

"C'mon," Mia whispers, breaking my trance as she releases me but moves her hand down to wrap around my waist. "I don't want to miss an update."

Time has stretched. Each minute feels like an hour. And each of the three hours that have passed feel like an eternity. Each swoosh of the doors has us all startling and then sinking back down. Empty cups spill over the wastebasket. Fire suits have been unzipped and tied around waists as the waiting room grows stuffy. Cell phones ring incessantly with people searching for updates. But there's still no news.

Elliott, christian's elder brother sits with his dad's, Carrick Grey. Grace Grey has Mia on one side of her. The waiting room is full of hushed murmurs and the television plays background to my thoughts. I sit by myself and except for the constant texts from our best friend Kate, I welcome the solitude so I don't have to comfort or be comforted—the Voices in my mind only getting louder with each passing second.

My head pounds but I welcome the pain, welcome the drum of it to count to as I try to speed up time. Or slow it down—whichever is to the benefit of Christian.

The electronic beep of the door. The squeak of shoes. I don't even open my eyes this time.

"I have an update on Mr. Christian Grey." The voice jolts me. Feet shuffle as the guys stand and an understated anxiety hums through the room in anticipation of what is going to be said.

Fear grips me. I can't stand. Can't move. I'm so petrified of the words that are going to pass through his lips that I force a swallow down my throat but remain paralyzed with trepidations.

He clears his throat and I suck in a breath—praying, hoping, needing some kind of scrap to hold on to. "Let me just say that scans are still ongoing at this point but from what we can tentatively see, it's obvious that Mr. Christian has suffered a sudden deceleration injury with an internal organ disruption from the force in which he hit the catch fence. The injury occurs because the body is forcibly stopped but the organs inside the body remain in motion due to the inertia. From what we can tell …"

"English, please," I whisper. My mind tries to comprehend the medical jargon, knowing that if I wasn't swimming in this fog of uncertainty, I'd be able to process it. He stops at my comment and even though I can't lift my eyes to meet his, I say it louder this time. "English, please, doctor." Fear overwhelms me. I cautiously lift my eyes to meet his, the crew turning to look at me while I stare at the doctor. "We're all very worried here and while you may understand what you're saying, the terminology is scaring the shit out of us..." my voice fades and he nods kindly, "...our minds are too overwhelmed to process this all right now … it's been a long wait for us while you've been with him … so can you please just tell us in simple terms?"

He smiles gently at me but his eyes are grave. "When Christian car hit the wall, the car stopped—his body stopped—but his brain kept going, slamming into the skull surrounding it. Fortunately he was saved from the connection between his spine and his neck, but the injury he sustained is serious nonetheless."

My heart races and my breath labors as a million different possible outcomes flicker through my mind.

"Will he …?" Carrick moves into my view facing the doctor and asks the question he can't complete. Silence descends upon the room and the nervous shifting of feet stops as we all wait for the answer with baited breath.

"Mr. Grey, I presume?" the doctor asks as he holds out his hand to a nodding Carrick. "I'm Dr. Bolton. I'm not going to lie to you … your son's heart arrested—stopped twice during transport."

I feel as if the bottom of my soul has dropped

"How long is the surgery? Is he conscious? Were there any other injuries?" Elliott speaks for the first time, rapidly firing off the questions we are all thinking.

Dr. Bolton swallows and steeples his fingers in front of him while meeting Elliott's eyes. "As for other injuries, just minor ones in comparison to the head injury. He is not conscious nor has he regained consciousness at this time. He was in the typical comatose state we see with these injuries—mumbling incoherently, struggling against us—in very sporadic bouts. As for everything else, we'll know more when we get into surgery and see how bad the bleed on the brain is."

Elliott exhales the breath he's been holding, and I can see his shoulders slump with its release, although I'm unsure if it's in relief or resignation. None of the doctor's words have made the dread weighing down the pit of my soul lessen any. Mia steps forward and grabs Elliott's hand as she glances over at her parents before asking the one thing we all fear. "If the swelling doesn't stop with the surgery..." her voice wavers, Elliott pressing a brotherly kiss onto the top of her head in encouragement "...what … does that mean? What I'm trying to say is you're talking brain injury here so what is the prognosis?" Her breath hitches with a swallowed sob. "What are Christian's chances?"

The doctor sighs aloud and looks at Mia. "At this time, before we go into surgery and see if there is any damage, I'm not comfortable giving one." The strangled gasp that comes from Carrick breaks the silence. Dr. Bolton steps forward and places a hand on his shoulder until Carrick looks up and meets his eyes. "We are doing absolutely everything we can. We are very practiced in this sort of thing and are giving your son every benefit of that training. Please understand that I'm not giving a percentage because it's a lost cause, but rather because I need to see more to know what we're up against. Once I know, then we can establish a game plan and go from there." Carrick nods subtly at him, rubbing a hand over his eyes, and Dr. Bolton looks up and scans the faces of everyone in the room. "He is strong and healthy and that's always a good thing to have on our side. It's more than obvious Christian is loved by many people … please know I carry that knowledge into the operating room with me." With that he gives a tight smile then turns and leaves the room.

Upon his departure, no one moves. We are all still in shock.

All still letting the severity of his words slither into the holes poked through our resolve. People slowly start moving and shifting as thoughts meld and emotions attempt to settle.

But I'm unable to.

He's alive. Not dead

The dull ache of relief I feel is nothing compared to the sharp stab of the unknown. And it's not enough to assuage the fear seated deep in the depths of my soul. I start to feel the leeching claws of claustrophobia burn over my skin. I blow out a long breath trying to abate the sweat beading on my upper lip and sliding down the line of my spine. My breath slips from my lungs without replenishing my body.

TWO DAYS LATER

I awake with a start. My lungs are greedy for air and my mind reaches to cling to anything real through its groggy haze. The scream on my lips dies when I realize I'm in Christian's room, alone, with him beside me. My head is still on his chest and my arm still hooked around his waist.

I blow out a shaky breath as my adrenaline surges. It was a dream. Holy shit, it was just a dream. I tell myself over and over, trying to reassure myself with the constant beep of the monitors and the medicinal smell—things I have grown to hate but welcome right now as a way to convince myself that nothing has changed. Christian's still asleep and I'm still hoping for miracles.

I sink back down into Christian, my nightmare a fringe on the edge of my consciousness that leaves me beyond unsettled and my body trembling with anxiety. I'm so lost in thought—in fear over both nightmares—that as the adrenaline fades, my eyes grow heavy. I'm so lost to the welcoming peace of sleep that when a hand smooths down my hair and stills on my back, I sink into the soothing feeling of it in my hazy, dreamlike state. I nestle closer, accepting the warmth offered and the serenity that comes with it.

And then it hits me. I snap my head up to meet Christian's. The sob that chokes in my throat is nothing compared to the tumble in my heart and awakening in my soul.

When our eyes meet I'm frozen, so many thoughts flitting through my mind, the most prevalent one is that he came back to me. Christian is awake and alive and back with me. Our eyes remain locked and I can see the confusion flicker through his at a lightning pace and the unknown warring within.

"Hi there," I offer on a shaky smile, and I'm not sure why a part of me is nervous. Christian licks his lips and closes his eyes momentarily which causes me to panic that he's been pulled back under. To my relief he reopens them with a squint and parts his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"Shh-Shh," I tell him, reaching out and resting my finger on his lips. "There was an accident." His brow furrows as he tries to lift his hand but can't, as if it's a dead weight. He tries to angle his eyes up to figure out the thick bandages surrounding his head. "You had surgery." His eyes widen with trepidation and I mentally chastise myself for fumbling over my words and not being clearer. The monitor beside me beeps at an accelerated pace, the noise dominating the room. "You're okay now. You came back to me." I can see him struggle to comprehend, and I wait for something to spark in his eyes but there is nothing.

They are blank.

"I'm going to get the nurse."

I reach out to pull myself off the bed and Christian's hand that's lying on the mattress clasps around my wrist. He shakes his head and winces with the movement. I immediately reach out to him and cradle his face with one hand, his skin paling and beads of sweat appearing on the bridge of his nose.

"Don't move, okay?" My voice breaks when I say it, as my eyes travel the lines of his face searching to see if he's hurt anything. As if I would know if he had.

He nods just barely and whispers in an almost absent voice, "Hurts."

"I know it does," I tell him as I reach across the bed and push the call button for the nurse as the hope deep within me settles into possibility. "Let me get a nurse to help with the pain, okay?"

"mm…" His voice breaks again as the fear in it splinters in my heart. I do the only thing I know might reassure him. I lean forward and brush my lips to his cheek and just hold them there momentarily while I control the rush of emotions that hit me like a tsunami. Tears drip down my cheeks and onto his as the silent sobs surge through me. I hear a soft sigh and when I pull back, his eyes are closed and his mind lost to the blackness behind them once again.

"Is everything okay?" The nurse pulls me from my moment.

I look over at her, Christian's face still cradled in my hand and my tears staining his lips. "He woke up …" I can't say anything else because relief robs my words. "He woke up."

FEW DAYS LATER

Christian comes in and out of consciousness a couple more times over the next few days. Small moments of lucidity among a haze of confusion. Each time he tries to talk without success, and each time we try to soothe—what we assume from his racing heartbeat—are his fears, in the few minutes we have with

Grace has finally convinced me to take a few moments and head to the cafeteria. As much as I don't want to, I have to eat and stay healthy for our baby, no-one knows about it. Christian wants to celebrate it with ourselves for a while before telling everyone.

And I know I'm hogging her son and she probably wants a minute alone with him.

I pick at my food, my appetite nonexistent, and my jeans baggier than before. Nothing sounds good—not even chocolate, my go to food for stress.

My cell rings and I scramble to get it, hoping it's Grace telling me Christian's awake again, but it isn't. My excitement abates. "Hey, Kate."

"Hi, sweetie. Any change?"

"No." I just sigh, wishing I had more to say. She's used to this by now and allows the silence between us.

"If he doesn't wake anytime soon, I'm ignoring you and flying my ass out there to be with you." Here comes Kate and her no-nonsense attitude. There's no need for her to be here really. She'd just sit around and wait like the rest of us, and what good is that going to do?

"Just your ass?" I let the smile grace my lips even though it feels so foreign in this dismal place.

"Well, it is a fine one if I may say so myself … like bounce quarters off of it and shit." She laughs. "And thank God! There's a bit of the girl I love shining through. You hanging in there?"

"It's all I can do," I sigh.

"So how is he? Has he come to again?"

"Yeah, last night."

"So that's what, five times in two days according to Elliott? That's a good sign, right? From nothing to something?"

"I guess … I don't know. He just seems so scared when he wakes up—his heart rate on the monitors sky rockets and he can't catch his breath—and it's so quick that we don't have time to explain that it's okay, that he's going to be okay."

"But he sees you all there, Ana. The fact you're all there has to tell him he has nothing to fear." I just give a non-committal murmur in response, hoping her words are true. Hoping that the sight of all of us soothes him rather than scares him into thinking he's on his deathbed. "What does Dr. Bolton say?"

I breathe in deeply, afraid if I say it my fears might come true. "He says Christian seems stable. That the more often he wakes up the better … but until he starts talking in full sentences, he won't know if any part of his brain is affected by everything."

"Okay," she says, drawing the word out so that it's almost a question. Asking me what I fear without asking. "What are you not telling me, Ana?"

I push the food around on my plate some, scattered thoughts focusing for bouts of time. I work a swallow in my throat before drawing in a shaky breath. "He says sometimes motor skills might be temporarily affected …"

"And …" Silence hangs as she waits for me to continue. "Put your fork down and talk to me. Tell me what you're really worried about. No bullshit. You're not a lesbian so stop beating around the damn bush."

Her attempt to make me laugh results in a soft chuckle turned audible exhale of breath. "He said that he might not remember much. Sometimes in cases like these, the patient may have temporary to permanent memory loss."

"And you're afraid he might not remember you, right?" I don't respond, feeling stupid and validated in my fears at the same time. She takes my lack of a reply as my answer. "Well, he obviously remembers you because he didn't freak out when you were lying in bed with him the first time, right? He grabbed your hand, stroked your hair? That has to tell you he knows who you are."

"Yeah … Kate, the thought of losing him—even if it's in the figurative sense—scares the shit out of me."

"Quit thinking about something that hasn't happened yet. I understand why you're worried but, Ana, you are stronger than that. You'll cross that bridge and all when it comes, okay?"

I'm about to respond when my phone beeps with an incoming text. I pull my phone from my ear and my heart rockets when I see Mia's text :He's awake.

"It's Christian. I gotta go."

CHRISTIAN

Pain pounds like a fucking jackhammer against my temple. My eyes burn like I'm waking up after downing a fifth of Jack. Bile rises and my stomach churns.

Churns as if I'm back in that room—dank mattress, crab weeds of trepidation blooming in me as I wait for him to arrive, for my mom to hand me over, trade me … but that's not fucking possible.

Mia's here, Elliott. Mom and Dad.

What the fuck is going on?

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shake away the confusion, but all I get is more of the goddamn pain.

Pain.

Ache.

Pleasure.

Need.

Flashes of memories I can't quite grasp or understand blindside me before disappearing into the darkness holding them hostage.

But where am I?

I fight to gain more memories, pull them in and grasp them like a lifeline.

"Mr. Grey? I'm Dr. Bolton. Can you hear me?" Who the fuck are you? Ice blue eyes stare at me.

"It may be tough to speak. We're getting you some water to help. Can you squeeze my hand if you understand me?"

Why the fuck do I need to squeeze his hand? And why is my hand not moving?

It all zooms into focus at once. And then complete darkness. Checkered holes of black—polka dots of void—throughout the slideshow in my head. I can't connect the dots. I can't make sense of anything except that I'm confused as fuck.

All eyes in the room stare at me like I'm the side show at the goddamn circus. And for his next act folks, he'll move his fingers.

I try my left hand and it responds. Thank fucking Christ for that.

My mind flashes back. Crunching metal, flashing sparks, engulfing smoke. Crashing, tumbling, free-falling, jolting.

My mind tries to figure out what the fuck had happened but comes up empty.

"Christian." The doc is talking again. "You were in a bad accident. You're lucky to be alive."

A bad accident? The flickering images in my head start to make more sense but gaps of time are still missing. I try to speak but my mouth's so dry all that comes out is a croak.

"You injured your head." He smiles at me but I'm wary.

"The nurse is bringing you some water to wet your throat." He notes something on his tablet. "I know this might be scary for you, son, but you're going to be okay. The tough part's over. Now we need to get you on the road to recovery."

The road to recovery? Thanks, Captain Obvious—more like the speedway to Hell.

Faces fill my immediate space. Mom kissing my cheek, tears coursing down her face. Dad hiding his emotion but the look in his eyes tells me he's a fucking wreck. Mia beside herself. Elliotts muttering something about being a selfish bastard.

This must be pretty fucking serious.

And yet I still feel numb. Empty. Incomplete.

After a few moments they slowly back away at my Mom's insistence to give me space, to let me breathe.

And the air I've just gotten back is robbed again.

I turn to look at the vague blur I notice in my periphery, and there she stands.

The girl from last night.

Curls piled on top of her head, face without makeup, hollow, tear-stained cheeks, eyes welled with tears, perfect fucking lips in a startled O standing in the doorway. She looks like she's been through Hell, but she's the most beautiful thing I've ever fucking seen.

Her hands are fiddling with her cell phone, my Lucky shirt hanging off her shoulders, Where did she get that? Who is she? Why is she here?

Breathe, Christian. Fucking breathe.

Her eyes finally find and lock onto mine.

Blue to my Gray.

All I see is my future, my salvation, my singular chance at redemption. But her eyes? Fuck, they flicker with such conflicting emotions: relief, optimism, anxiety, fear, and so many more Unknown.

NEXT DAY

ANASTASIA

Beautiful GRAY eyes stared back at me.

I stared back, trying to catch my breath.

For so long, I wanted to look into those eyes. And now I was.

My lips wobbled into a small smile, and I sat up, leaning forward into his. His eyes were a glimmer color of gray. They sparkled brighter in the light of the morning sun. He blinked sleepily at me.

So beautiful.

My Christian was back.

I couldn't help but smile as I reached to palm his cheek.

"Christian," I croaked, rubbing my thumb over his soft skin.

His gaze softened the slightest bit, and a sweet smile whispered across his lips.

"Y…you..r eyes."

My eyes widened at his soft croaking voice. Christian was talking!

But then confusion clouded my mind. "My eyes?"

I waited, but he didn't speak again. My stomach started to lock in tension.

He stared

And then he closed her eyes.

"No. No. No." I panicked. "Christian, open your eyes. C'mon, show me those pretty gray eyes."

It wasn't enough. I barely saw them. He had to stay awake. I had to hear his voice. I would beg for it if I had to.

I had no shame. Nothing else mattered.

"Christian," I beg. "Please, say something."

He didn't even stir.

How long was he awake? Did I miss it? Was I sleeping the whole time he was awake?

How could I have been so fucking irresponsible?

This time I wouldn't sleep. There was no way I would close my eyes again.

My heart raced like the wings of a caged bird. I did feel caged, and it was suffocating.

It felt like I was watching everything from the outside. Christian was far away, and no matter how much I reached for him, he always ended up fading in the darkness.

He always faded away, and I was left empty.

No!

I took his hand in mine and talked. I talked for hours.

I begged for him to wake up. I begged for his love.

I made promises to cherish and take care of him.

But no matter how much I cajoled, fussed, and pushed, Christian never moved or stirred.

NEXT DAY

It was already the next day. Grace came with food, but I didn't eat, then I remind myself that I have to eat for our baby.

Looking down at his sleeping form, I saw him slowly stirring. His forehead creased, and his lips twitched.

I sat forward, my heart beating wildly. My hands started to shake, and sweat broke out on my forehead.

"Christian" I whispered as he roused from his long hours of sleep.

He blinked his eyes open. Sleepily at first, and then finally he was fully awake.

We stared at each other. And just like the very first time my eyes had met his, my heart stuttered and my stomach tightened in knots.

I could have flipped in joy and screamed from the top of my lungs. But I only smiled.

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "My Christian, My beautiful love." I peppered his face with kisses.

When Christian didn't move, my eyebrows furrowed tensely, and I pulled back.

I quickly lost my smile.

Realization finally dawned that he still hadn't responded to me. "Christian?" I said, touching his cheek and running a finger along his dried lips.

There was no recognition in his gray eyes.

I suddenly felt sick.

He still hadn't uttered a word. No, he just stared.

Then he spoke and turned my world upside down.

"Wh..who are you?"

I don't think I heard him correct but i heard.

I spent a few minutes to respond. But it was no use. My world is breaking apart in front of my eyes.

"Christian," I whispered. "It's me. Anastasia, I am your Ana."

Nothing.

And that was the moment my heart shattered.

He only stared blankly at me. His face was completely devoid of emotion, his eyes lacking the light that had always been there. They were empty.

I was wrong.

I finally had Christian in my arms; he was safe. He was with me—but he wasn't here.

My Christian was gone.


	4. Chapter 1 (Christian pov)

**AUTHORS NOTE:** Hi guys, I know the prologue end with Christian forgetting about Anastasia. First I decided to start chapter one with Anastasia POV after five years separation from Christian. I was excited to write about it but decide against it. Instead I wrote about CHRISTIAN POV, where he getting glimpse of a mystery girl, ANA and few memory of Christian and Ana's past like how they met and so.

Thank you for your support so far. I hope you keep giving me reviews and also telling me about my mistake, if any.

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 _Five years later_

 **CHRISTIAN**

 _"Mia, I told you to wait for me!" a little girl screams from inside the house. She must be around five._

 _Mia told me about her new friend, but I haven't seen her yet. Curious, I turn to stare at their front door._

 _A tiny pink and black blur flies out of the house. She's running so fast that her foot slips on the first stair and she almost falls off the porch. Catching herself on the rail, she glares down at her feet like it's their fault she almost fell._

 _Are those ballet shoes she's wearing?_

 _Mia starts laughing, holding her stomach and pointing at her._

 _She raises her head and glares at her. "Shut up, stupid!" Huffing, she adjusts her black and pink skirt, then reaches up to do the same to her—_

 _The girl is wearing small black cat ears._

 _"You are so bad, Mia! I'm gonna tell your Mommy!"_

 _Mia stops laughing immediately, eyes going wide. "No! Stop getting me in trouble, dumbass!"_

 _The girl stops halfway down the driveway and gasps. Then, her little finger shoots up to point accusingly in Mia's direction._

 _"You said a bad word! To me! Now I'm definitely telling your Mommy!"_

 _"I didn't call you an ass—"_

 _"Yes, you did!"_

 _"Ana" Mia's shoulders fall as she whines, "this isn't fair. She won't let me go to the park!"_

 _Ana crosses her little arms, flips her long hair over her shoulder, and stomps her foot. "And what will you do for me if I don't tell her? Huh?"_

 _Mia's mouth falls open. Like she can't believe she's asking her that._

 _Before I can stop myself, I'm throwing my head back and laughing really hard. I can't help it. I recently learned what the word blackmail means in school, and that is definitely what Ana is doing to my sister._

 _Mia's glare catches my attention. I force myself to try to stop laughing._

 _It isn't working._

 _Ana turns and sees me on the porch. Immediately, her expression morphs, and she gives me this big, happy smile, her eyes twinkling._

 _I shut right up, frozen._

 _"Hi!" she calls happily, waving at me. "You're Christian, Mia's brother, right?"_

 _I nod. Can't speak._

 _Her eyes are so bright. They are the most extraordinary color, powder blue, and guileless, and for one awful moment, I think she can see right through me. The thought is unnerving, so I dismiss it immediately._

 _She has a small, sweet face that is blushing now, an innocent pale rose._

 _"Cool." Her smile gets bigger and she does that thing where she flips her hair over her shoulder again. "You know that means you're now my new best friend, too, right?"_

 _"No! He isn't." Mia says._

 _"Okay," is all I can make myself say._

 _Why do I feel so . . . weird? My heart is beating so hard it hurts._

 _"Hah!" Ana sticks her tongue out at Mia. "You heard that? He's mine, too!" She smiles one more time at me, then starts running toward the car._

 _I swallow, scared, watching Ana running away. My heart is beating faster, and her words are ringing in my ears._

 _ **He's mine,too**_

 _What is happening to me? Everything blurred_

 _Then there she is, she's older though. My Angel. Ana_

 _My Angel was sitting there. Her hair was down, flowing in beautiful soft waves at her back. Her eyes were closed, a small smile on her lips as she hummed while I play the piano. For me. For us._

 _I smiled too. She was so beautiful. My Angel._

 _Ana slowly glanced up, and her captivating blue eyes met mine. She blew me a kiss, and I reached to grab it. She laughed, and I smiled again._

 _Suddenly the laughter stopped. Ana stared down, and tears streamed down her cheeks._

 _No. Don't cry, I wanted to say. I reached forward, and just like that, my angel disappeared._

 _My heart ached, my stomach rolled, and I almost doubled over in pain. Ana. Ana. My sweet Angel._

 _But my Angel was gone. And without her, I was lost._

 _She was the light to my darkness._

 _But the light was gone, and only darkness surrounded me. I was used to the darkness, but now it only suffocated me. It only left me broken._

 _The stench. No._

 _The stench._

 _He smells. He smells of nasty. And dirt. It makes sick come into my mouth._

 _He's mad. I hide under the table. There you are, you little prick._

 _He has cigarettes._

 _No. I call my mommy. But she doesn't hear me._

 _Smoke comes out of his mouth._

 _He laughs._

 _And he holds my hair._

 _The burn. I scream._

 _I don't like the burn._

 _He's mad._

 _He hits me and I fall._

 _He holds the cigarette in front of me._

 _No._

 _He takes a puff._

 _No._

 _He presses it against my skin._

 _No._

 _The pain. The smell._

 _NO..._

 _Suddenly, There was no pain. I wasn't in that room with the devil._

 _No, I was in a beautiful room. I sat up, and my eyes widened when I saw her sitting next to me. I can't see her face but I know, it's her._

 _Ana!_

 _She was right there. Next to me. She found me! She came…she really came for me. Just like I knew she would._

 _My heart soared, and I jumped into her arms with a cry. "Ana. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. Please," I sobbed in her chest._

 _"Shh…I've got you, Baby."_

 _Oh, her voice. Those words. They were exactly what I wanted to hear. What I had been so desperate to hear._

 _Her arms wrapped around me, holding me to her body. She caressed my hair and placed gentle kisses over my face, soothing all the hurt away._

 _"Ana, you… you're here." I hiccupped back a sob as she looked down at me with her captivating blue eyes, the ones I loved so much._

 _"I will always find you." Placing a kiss on my forehead, she let her lips linger there for a moment. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long."_

 _My fingers tightened around her, and I shook my head. "You came for me."_

 _Ana touched my chest, there was no pain. Her touch take all the pain away._

 _Ana hugged me tighter. "I'm going to take away all the things he has done to you."_

 _I shivered in her arms at the mention of the devil. "He hurt me, Ana," I admitted with tears streaming down my cheeks in a never-ending flow._

 _"I know,baby. But he is never going to hurt you again," Ana said, pulling away from me. She pushed me flat on my back and loomed over me._

 _"Where did he hurt you, baby?" she muttered, kissing my lips gently and so softly._

 _"Everywhere," I whimpered at the thought of that devil burning me, hurting me._

 _"I'm going to take it all away," Ana vowed before taking my lips. The kiss was slow and gentle. She kissed me with care, as if I was a treasure, a precious jewel, someone who deserved to be loved._

 _And slowly Ana replaced the devil touch with her own. She traced my body with her fingers and lips. Slowly, softly, and gently. She leans in and kisses me above my heart. She does it again, and then again. Her lips landing soft and gentle on each of my scars. She explored my body with care and love. So much love._

 _But my heaven didn't last for long._

 _Because I was suddenly thrust back into hell._

 _Darkness creeping upon me all over again._

 _Mommy! Mommy! Mommy is asleep on the floor. She has been_ _asleep for a long time. I brush her hair because she likes that. She doesn't wake_ _up. I shake her. Mommy! My tummy hurts. It is hungry_ _He isn't here. I am thirsty. In the kitchen I pull a chair to the_ _sink and I have a drink. The water splashes over my blue sweater._

 _Mommy is still asleep. Mommy wake up! She lies still. She is cold.I fetch my blankie, and I cover Mommy, and I lie down on the sticky green rug beside her. Mommy is still asleep. I have two toy cars. They race by the floor where Mommy is sleeping. I think Mommy is sick. I search for something to eat. In the freezer I find peas. They are cold. I eat them slowly. They make my tummy hurt. I sleep beside Mommy. The peas are gone. In the freezer is something. It smells funny. I lick it and my tongue is stuck to it. I eat it slowly. It tastes nasty. I drink some water. I play with my cars, and I sleep beside Mommy. Mommy is so cold, and she won't wake up. The door crashes open. I cover Mommy with my blankie. He's here._

 _"Fuck."_

 _"What the fuck happened here?"_

 _"Oh, the crazy fucked up bitch."_

 _" Shit. Fuck."_

 _"Get out of my way, you little shit." He kicks me, and I hit my head on the floor. My head hurts. He calls somebody and he goes. He locks the door. I lay down beside Mommy. My head hurts._

 _The lady policeman is here. No. No. No. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I stay by Mommy. No. Stay away from me. The lady policeman has my blankie, and she grabs me. I scream._

 _Mommy! Mommy! i want my Mommy. The words are gone. I can't say the words._

 _Mommy can't hear me. No words._

No! My scream bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes me from my nightmare. I'm smothered in sweat, with the stench of stale beer, cigarettes, and poverty in my nostrils and a lingering dread of drunken violence. Sitting up, I put my head in my hands as I try to calm my escalated heart rate and erratic breathing. It's been the same for the last four nights. Glancing at the clock, I see it's 3:00 a.m.

I have two major meetings tomorrow…today…and I need a clear head and some sleep. Damn it, what I'd give for a good night's sleep.

Closing my eyes I puts my head in my hands once more. Suddenly, a realisation drawn.

ANA. ANA.

Yes

That's the name of the girl who is haunting me in my dreams for so long. As I think of it, it had started a few years back when my doctor had stopped my medication and gave me all clear after my accident. It was her beautiful eyes that always found a way to comfort me when my nightmare become worse. As if she knows I need to be comforted.

After a couple of months, I started her voice, her sweet voice. Whenever my monsters started to win she somehow found a way to protect me, comfort me.

First I thought she is my imagination, a mirage very beautiful one. But as the time passes they became so vivid, that there's no way that I could consider them just as dreams. It seems like they are part of my life, part of my memory that I have forgotten.

They become so frequent that I have to do something about it. I asked mom about it but she brush it off, saying she doesn't know anyone of that description. But I know she's lying, I could see sadness in her eyes and there was also something else I saw, hope.

I know my family knows something that I don't. They are hiding something.

That time I wasn't sure about the girls existence. But she seems so real, sometimes, I can feel her touch. I can smell her.

ANA. It sounds so right. It's perfect for my girl. _My girl._ Seriously Grey.

"Fuck, it sounds so stupid."

SHIT. FUCK.

"Well, It's time to uncover some secrets."


	5. Chapter 2 (Christian pov)

**CHAPTER TWO**

 **CHRISTIAN**

I climb out of bed and find some newly laundered sweats in my walk-in closet. Outside, a leaden sky promises rain, and I'm not in the mood to be rained on during my run today. I head upstairs to my gym, switch on the TV for the morning business news, and step onto the treadmill.

My thoughts stray to the day. I've nothing but meetings, though I'm seeing my personal trainer later for a workout at my office—Bastille is always a welcome challenge.

I stop the treadmill, breathless, and head down to the shower to start another monotonous day.

* * *

"TOMORROW," I MUTTER, DISMISSING Claude Bastille as he stands at the threshold of my office.

"Golf, this week, Grey." Bastille grins with easy arrogance, knowing that his victory on the golf course is assured.

I scowl at him as he turns and leaves. His parting words rub salt into my wounds because, despite my heroic attempts during our workout today, my personal trainer has kicked my ass. Bastille is the only one who can beat me, and now he wants another pound of flesh on the golf course. I detest golf, but so much business is done on the fairways, I have to endure his lessons there, too…and though I hate to admit it, playing against Bastille does improve my game.

As I stare out the window at the Seattle skyline, the familiar ennui seeps unwelcome into my consciousness. My mood is as flat and gray as the weather. My days are blending together with no distinction, and I need some kind of diversion. I've worked all weekend, and now, in the continued confines of my office, I'm restless. I shouldn't feel this way, not after several bouts with Bastille. But I do.

I know the cause of my restlessness, my bittersweet nightmare.

I'm not sure I'm ready to find out truth yet, it's a battle going on between my head and heart since morning. I don't know it's right to going after a faceless girl who make appearances in my nightmare. But it's impossible to get her out of my mind.

FUCK

 _Get a grip, GREY._

You have a girlfriend. Stop thinking about Ana.

* * *

MONDAY MORNING

I open my eyes and my dream fades in the early-morning light. _What the hell was that about?_ I grasp at the fragments as they recede, but fail to catch any of them.

"Not again, this is killing me." I says to noone in particular.

"WHY?" I shouted. Only to meet with silence.

Dismissing it, like I do most mornings.

* * *

My already-short tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time low. So much time has already been wasted. I don't want to do this right now because it's something that should have been done weeks ago.

I was sick of this _Doing-The-Right-Thing_. Sick of pretending I am okay. It was time to find out the truth.

"These are the final terms you're prepared to offer?" The lead attorney in the room, Mr. West, looks up to me for confirmation. Something he shouldn't need at this point. We have been after the deal for months. Fuck, it should have been locked up from almost day one. He knows how bad I want this. I shouldn't even have to have this discussion. We should be on to the next thing already. No wonder lawyers get paid by the fucking hour.

"As I've stated several times today and days before, I've already stated my conditions, the offer still stands. This isn't a negotiation, and if you don't understand what that means, then I can find someone else to manage this deal." I toss my pen on the table, giving him a hard look. I don't like repeating myself over and over again and that seems to be what I'm having to do here. What's the point of hiring the best if I have to go behind him?

"Yes, Mr. Grey. We'll present this new deal and let their team know about the offers." He looks sheepish to the papers in front of him, straightening them. I don't know if I'm impressed I've intimidated one of the best lawyers in Seattle or annoyed.

"But sir, I think we could get it-"

I slam my hand down on the table making the whole thing rock. All three of the attorneys give a jerk back, surprised at my reaction. My assistant, Jessica, doesn't even flinch, the bored look on her face not changing.

"You seem to have no problem wasting my money when it comes to your services, Mr. West." I flatten my hand on the wood table, edging forward. My palm still stings from when I hit the table.

"Sir—" he tries again, but I don't let him.

"Get it done or." I flip my wrist in a tossing gesture not finishing the sentence. He gets it. I can tell by the widening of his eyes he does. Everyone in the room does. He might be a top attorney but if anyone knows that I get my way, it's him. He's been working with me for years. No one stands between me and my end result. Maybe for a moment, but in the end I get what I'm after, and Mr. West has witnessed many of those dealings.

I have worked every single day to get where I am today.

Hard work is something that I am never afraidof. I was 18, when I graduated early from school and got admission at Harvard University. I briefly attended Harvard University and studied for a year, but eventually dropped out to start my own business. When I was 19, Theodore Trevelyan, grandpa loaned me $100,000 to help me start my business, and I've worked hard and my business eventually grew into the renowned Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. over the span of a few years.

At the age of 26, I've made my business what it is today, and I've built my billionaire empire. My company prides itself on "transforming what is possible" and is a global leader "in communications technologies, eco manufacturing, and next generation farming solutions." Basically we are innovating products and projects for a better, brighter future. Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

"Now, next item on the agenda. Jay, would you please inform the room about our next potential acquisition. The details are outlined on the PowerPoint."

I click the remote before dropping back down into my chair and the room turns to the screen on the other side of the room. Jay, our head of purchasing, presents the data I went over and sent her at the end of last week. On what will happen when we acquire the businesses. All the different options available. I told her everything I wanted and that she needed to put it in a presentation for everyone to see.

* * *

I've just finished my meeting but couldn't concentrate. My patience is wearing thin.

"Andrea," I bark as I return to my office. "Get me Welch on the line, now."

As I sit at my desk and wait for the call, I look at the paintings on the wall of my office.

My phone buzzes. "I have Mr. Welch on the line for you."

"Put him through."

"Yes, sir."

"Welch, I need a background check on Ms. Mia Grey"

"Mr. Grey?" Welch says confused. Of course, he'll be confused thinking why I'm asking for background check on my own sister.

"Mr. Grey?" Welch asked again on my silence.

"Welch I need list of girls named Ana or name similar to Ana in Mia's school life. Classmates or not just get me the information with there photographs. It maybe possible that Ana is nickname of the girls."

"It's a lot of work it'll take time, Mr. Grey"

"I don't care, get it done asap." I say before hanging up.

The next call I made to the person who has every right to know about these new development in my life.

 _My girlfriend, LEILA LINCOLN_

Leila and I have been in relationship almost a year now. She's my mother's best friend, Elena Lincoln daughter. We met at my parents Thanksgiving party a year and so ago. I only went there for my mother's sake and was bored out of my mind. That's when Elena walk-up to me with Leila and introduced us. We found our company welcoming and spent rest of the evening talking to each other.

During the conversation she told me that this isn't the first time we met. According to her we were friends in the final year of high school before we went to different universities to persuade our dreams and lost contact. She wasn't the only one I forgot, there were others l don't remember after my accident, so I believed her.

I don't know what appeals to me about her, but there was something very familiar about her that I liked her instantly. I told myself that I've had known her in the past, that's why I found her so familiar. Was it her sweet and innocent nature? Was it her way of talking? Was it that she is a brunette? I don't know.

We met couple of times again after our first meeting on different occasions. I liked spending time with her and eventually decided to date her. Though my family in not a greatest fan of her, especially Mia and make no attempt to hide it from her. Elliott is indifferent to her probably don't want to add more mess that Mia had already made. Grace and Carrick alway try to be polite, but there discomfort can't be missed. Though they never told me otherwise knowing that would only lead me to questions, they weren't ready to answer yet.

Leila on the other hand, is always calm and polite with others, one of the qualities I really like about her. But these past few months, I had my doubts about her, especially when her personality is so similar to my mystery girl, Ana.

Once I heard Leila talking to Mia in a tone I have never seen before, to which she explained that it's too much for her to handle Mia and started crying, so I consoled her and gave last warning to Mia.

It's a constant fight between my mind and heart that it becomes so difficult to understand which one is real, Leila or my Ana.

 _My Ana._

Seriously Grey you don't even know her, don't know she exists or not but consider her as your, whereas you can't even bought to call your own girlfriend as yours after a year of relationship.


	6. Chapter 3 (Anastasia pov, 3-19 14:28:22)

**CHAPTER THREE**

 **ANASTASIA**

 ** _FIVE YEARS AGO (almost 18 Years old)_**

"CHRISTIAN I don't need a car, I already have one remember" I said, he grunts out before his mouth takes mine. His deep gray eyes are intense, making me instantly wet between my legs. Just when I'm about to, he kisses me again, leaving me breathless.

"Be a good girl" he pause for few seconds. "Consider this as your birthday present" he says.

"My birthday isn't for next two months" I rolled my eyes. "And you know how uncomfortable I feel about you spending money on me" I wispered.

 _Flashback_

 _"YOU BITCH" I heard someone shout from behind me, instantly know who it is.._

 _"Leila, you.." " You think you've fooled everyone into your innocent act, but I know who you are, you are nothing but a gold-digger whore" " It won't be long before he'll see your ture colour and throw you out of his life." She slurred. She's drunk._

 _Today Christian announced our engagement officially though he'd proposed me weeks ago. Christian and I had been together for almost two years now. The day I turned 16, Christian asked my stepfather, Ray's permission to date me officially. we are going on stronger since then only Leila don't seem to get the memo._

 _But seeing her like this doesn't anger me, what I felt was pity. I can't imagine if Christian had chosen her over me. But that was never the case because he can't stand her, let alone to be with her._

 _I turned to leave when she grabbed my arm, before l could react, I was freed from her hold and Mia slapped her hard across her face. "Get the hell out of my house"_ _Mia yelled at Leila, who glare before leaving._

 _"Ana are you okay?" Mia asked_ _, her concerned eyes on me._

 _Shocked by her reaction. I say, " I am fine, but what was that, I have never seen this violent side of yours"_

 _"Don't worry, she got what she deserved, she had it long coming" she shrugged and pulled me away._

 _"Why didn't you do something when she came at you like that" Mia asked madly. Somethings definitely set her off._

 _"Mia watching her like that doesn't anger me, all I felt was pity. When she grabbed me you were already there " I tell her softly. " Now tell me what's wrong? she's always been mean to me that never made you react like that, what give?" She stays silent. When I turn her to face me, I saw tears in her eyes._

 _"Mia?" I_ _asked warily._

 _"Ana I was happy when Christian made announcement about your engagement but then I heard that bitch and her bitchtroll of mother, Elena telling people that you've probably trapped Christian by playing pregnancy card" I inhale sharply hearing her say that._

 _"Mia, I amm.." She cut-me off " No Ana, I don't believe her for one second, truthfully I don't care if you are pregnant or not, I would be happy for you two either way. But she pissed me off and so I told her that she's only spreading lies cause it's you Christian had chosen over her precious daughter." Mia suck in a breath. "She and Elena left or I thought that she's gone, then few minutes later I went to search for Andrewson. When I couldn't find him, I called him but he wasn't picking up my phone. I went to my room" I had a bad feeling about it._

 _" Ana that bastard was having sex with that bitch Leila, in my house, in my bed." She crys._

 _"Oh god, that bastard Christian and Elliott gonna kill him." I hugged her. Mia and Andrewson had been together for a year now. Mia's in love with him and she isn't one of those people who hides there feelings._

 _"It wasn't the first time Ana. Whenever she came back from University." She hiccups I hold her while she crys. I wasn't feeling very sorry for that Bitch now, maybe I'll kill her myself._

His voice brought me back to present.

"Ana, I know you are not after my money and I don't give a damn, what anyone else think or says" He says in anger.

"Or would it make you comfortable if I spend money on another girl" he tease but the pang of jealousy I felt was nothing like it. Seeing my reaction he gaze soften he whispered, "plus I can't let my pregnant fiancé driving that deathtrap all around the city now, can I?"

"Christian that's not a deathtrap" I scold.

"Ana this isn't up for discussion, I am not taking any chances when it comes to your and our childs safety" he said in his non-negotiating tone. Then he pulls me to him, taking my mouth in a deep kiss. I get lost in him, and once again everything melts away.

* * *

 ** _Next_ _Week_**

Now I am proud owner of AUDI A5, which is safe and comfortable for me according to my very handsome and loving fiancé. Today Mia and I am going to shopping for my wedding dress and I am so excited about it, which is very rare when it comes to shopping. Because shopping with Mia not something I hope to punish my worst enemy. That girl is a shopping-freak and so is Kate who is in New York right now, will be back before our wedding.

Kate and Elliott have their own story, both have free spirit and outgoing personality, stubborn as hell. Both are not not ready to be in a committed relationship, considering they are young and has to live a little life before getting old.

I was in Christian's study, which is now mine as well. As Christian quoted, _"What's mine is_ _yours Ana baby."_ it brought a smile on my face.

While going through some papers I accidentally knocked few of Christians files. I bend down to pick them up when something caught my eyes. Leaving the study, I went straight to the gym, where he's now.

"Christian, what have you done?" I say seriously showing him the file.

"Hey love, I am glad you found it." I narrow my eyes at him. " I was going to tell you about it tonight."

"Seriously Christian, a bodyguard and that's a woman." I glare at him. Only to meet with his own. " What's wrong with a woman?" He said menacingly.

Oh shit, he's mad. Wrong choice of words. I went to him and touched his face to calm him down.

" I mean I don't need a bodyguard." I says lightly. He exhales sharply before saying, " Ana, we own a multi-million dollar company, so it's important for me to know you are safe when I'm not around. I've already set-up an appointment for next week. There are three candidates for you and me. We will choose one for each of us then." His statement surprised me.

" Wait, you're gonna get a bodyguard too" I say dumbly.

" Of course, I know it'll make you happy and comfortable. And I don't wanna die anytime soon because I want to spend my rest of life with you. You are my lifeline, Ana." he said with such intensity, it took my breath away.

OH MY

He wraps his hand around my back, removing the space between us. He leans down slow enough so that I can see his intentions, and I stand still as his mouth comes down on mine.

His lips mold against mine and his eyes fall closed. His mouth works against mine, soft and utterly sweet, like I'm delicate and he doesn't want to spook me. Then I feel his warm tongue come out and lick the seam of my mouth.

When his tongue touches mine, my eyes fall closed and I melt into him. My hands go to his chest. There's not an inch of space between us, and somehow I need him closer.

He moans into my mouth, and something about it gives the power to me. I've made him react to me, I'm the one giving him pleasure.

My eyes fly open when I realize what we're doing and where we are, anyone can walk on us any moment.

I push hard against his chest. It's best to stop this now and not to go too far.

He releases my mouth and his eyes fly open. They're filled with lust and hunger. A smirk plays on his lips, and damn it, he looks good. Too good, because all I want to do is rub myself against him. My body is screaming for me to do it, but somehow I get myself under control.

Then it hit me wait, "You are gonna have a female bodyguard with you all the time of the day." Now it's my turn glare.

" What? No! What are you talking about haven't you read the file? There's list of best three male and female candidates." He says

Looking down, I saw it then. Male and Female candidates name and other information about them.

1\. Patrick McCoy

2\. Jason Taylor

3\. Will Stuart and so on.

Oops. I look up with a pout, he's smirking at me, That Bastard!

I bite lips on purpose knowing effect on him

His hand tightened around me right before his mouth clamped over mine. His full lips were soft as his tongue darted into my mouth. He explored, slowly tasting every part of my mouth, while he intermittently nibbled on my bottom lip. Before he carries me to our bedroom.

* * *

 _ **SAME DAY**_

"Ana did you find my car keys?" Christian asked. Looking for his car keys in our room. " I can't find it anywhere, I am going get late for my meeting." We have been looking for half an hour now. I am not going to look for the spare keys because I am sure it'll take longer to find it. Christian maybe the owner of a multi-million dollar company but the idea of him and keys doesn't sit well. He has a tendency of losing his keys whether they are of his dorm room or car.

It seems like the idea of Bodyguard is not that bad after all, he'll be taking care of these petty things in his office.

"No honey" I say warily.

"Christian take my car. After all what's mine is yours. I'll go with Mia for shopping. You don't have to worry about me." I assured him.

He sighed, "okay but don't overdo it, Ana." He kissed my forehead before taking my car keys.

I called Mia informing her about the change of plans. Told her to come pick me up in an hour. To say she's excited is putting it mildly.

An hour later, Mia and I was climbing into her car when my phone rang. It said Christian on the screen.

I smiled before I answered, probably worried about me, I should've called before leaving. He was the cutest daddy to be. I know he's scared about the baby but he's handling it very nicely.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Ma'am, I don't know who you are, we found your number on speed dial in this man's phone, you need to get to Virginia Mason Hospital, the police and ambulance are on their way."

"Where's my fiancé, what happened to him?"

To say my heart was going wild would be an understatement.

"There was an accident here tonight ma'am, your fiancé car was hit by a truck and he's been out for about five minutes."

Christian, my blood ran cold.

I told Mia to drive faster, who was driving before I even realized it, I'd hung up on the man on the phone without saying anything else, all I could think about was getting to him as fast as I could.

We got there in 25 minutes, in that time a lot ran through my mind.

I admit, I was scared out of my fucking mind, if anything happened to him, I don't know what I would do.

He was my world, my heart beat, it still amazes me the way we met, how we came to be in each other's lives and I would be forever thankful for it.

 _I offer another silent prayer to God._

 _Please let Christian be okay. Please let Christian be okay. I repeat it over and over in my head—my mantra, my lifeline, something concrete to cling to in my desperation. I refuse to think the worst. No, don't go there. There is hope._

 _"You're my lifeline."_

 _Christian's words come back to haunt me._


	7. Chapter 4 (Anastasia POV)

**AUTHORS NOTE:** It is my humble request to read Authors note. Because sometimes people don't read it before moving to another chapter or story.

Hi guys, thank you so much for your support so far. Please ignore if there is any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes.

 **And** I have been told that my way of writing is stupid and I don't have be so artist because I am not able keep up with my own story. And why I am writing in flashback instead of writing the story? Or why don't I write the story and go on with it because there are lots of gaps in the story.

I agree that there are gaps in the story, but if you've read the story properly you would've realized that those flashbacks I am writing only meant to fill the gaps. For instance chapter three where Ana is uncomfortable with Christian spending money on her. Even though Leila and Elena doesn't know about ana's pregnancy but they are spreading lies about her trapping Christian and calling her gold-digger and for Mia hating Leila is obvious.

If you don't like my way of writing please stop reading my story than telling me to change my writing style. So please don't bother sending me private message telling me to change my writing style because I am not changing it for one single person.

Thank you all for supporting me so far.

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

 **ANASTASIA**

 _PRESENT_ _(Twenty Three Years Old)_

I reread the text from Grace for the millionth time since I received it yesterday. It stated two things. One, Ray had an **accident.** My dad and dear friend was in critical condition. And two, I had to go home. Seattle

I looked up and gazed at the window shutter of the plane I was sitting inside. I don't know what I am actually trying to do. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything to mask the pain in my chest. The horrendous agony quickly brought me back to the present, and it screamed that I couldn't run from it.

Not this time, Ana, a sour voice in my mind hissed. You can't escape this.

Why did this have to happen? I glumly wondered.

I felt guilty that I momentarily wished I were back in my New York apartment instead of travelling to my home, Seattle. I then felt shamefaced about pondering why my dad's accident had to land me in such a horrible situation when what I should have been praying for his betterment. After all the only person I've had left.

My priorities, as usual, were messed up.

I had difficulty swallowing a lump that formed in my throat. After I took a couple of deep breaths to relax myself, I took my phone out from my pocket and opened up my emails. My lip twitched as I scrolled through them. There were hundreds upon hundreds of messages from my dad that I never got around to deleting and I was glad of it. He was the only person from back home who I talked to daily. Actually, he was the only person from home that I still spoke to at all.

He was a pain in the arse, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. He maybe my stepfather but he had loved me more than anything in the world.

I had questioned what was wrong when he never emailed me on Tuesday morning. We spoke over Skype the previous afternoon, We had a routine; I woke up to an email from him every morning, and we would chat back and forth until I spoke to him over Skype during my lunch break at work.

I immediately called his phone on Tuesday morning when I didn't receive an email from him, but his house phone just rang until his answering machine picked up. I left a brief message asking him to ring me as soon as he could, and when he didn't, dread filled me.

On Wednesday morning, when I got a voicemail and text message from Grace, I felt like my world is crashing down on me all over again.

My life always revolves around accident and deaths. Those accident took something from me in one way or another. With each accident, something break inside of me which could not be mend.

It started when I was a baby. I was born on 10th of September, 1993 and my father Franklin died in 11th of September, 1993. I wasn't given the chance to meet him know him. He and my mom Carla were highschool sweethearts and they married right after finishing their highschool. I was born a year later. As a baby I wasn't aware about the concept of death or the pain it brings with it that was something my mom had go through all alone.

Not long after my father's death my mom moved to Seattle from Portland, and got the job in Steele Securities. I was four years old when my mom introduced me to Raymond Steele for the first time, she was working in his father's office as a receptionist for a long time.

Raymond Steele was in army before he suffered a bad injury and decided to join his father's business. It was where he met my mom for the first time and fall in love with her.

My mother and Ray were married before I could even blink. Not that I minded. I love Ray and he's always so nice to me. He makes me feel welcome, and he's wonderful to my mom. He makes her happy. For the first time I saw my mom acted of her age.

Then I met with Mia and Kate in school. We've been friends since we were five years old and we were like sisters. Actually, we were closer than sisters. We were partners in crime, even though I was usually only the accessory in said crime. Mia was the crazy one and Kate was the bold one and I was the shy one.

Then there was Christian, I was five when I first met him. He was eight at that time. You can say he was a troubled kid. But I know him better or I thought so. He had his issues, he won't let anyone touch him not even me.

Not until that day...

 _Ray had finished the treehouse he was working on for weeks now. Mia, Kate and I were finishing up our treehouse decoration when Christian and Ethan, Kate's older brother showed up at my house. I was climbing down the ladder when it snapped and all I heard was screaming. Only that was I who was screaming._

 _Mai and Kate were screaming but I can't hear what was going around me._

 _I was hanging on by one hand, whimpering. Scared, tear-filled my eyes._

 _I warp my arms around the tree and try to pull myself up but I'm not strong enough to pull up by myself. My heart is roaring in my ears._

 _"Ana, you need to calm down." Christian says panicked. I'm struggling, freaking out._

 _"Ch..Christian!"_

 _"Listen to me." He says. "Put your feet against the tree."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Put your feet against the trunk. Can you do that?"_

 _I try to moves. On the first attempt, my foot slides and my body swings back._

 _"Ana!" Mia's and Ethan shout at the same time, somewhere in the background._

 _"Go get a ladder from the garage!" Christian scream down at him._

 _"Everything's going to be okay."_

 _"I'm scared!"_

 _"I know, but I've got you. I'll never let you go."_

 _My bottom lip trembles. "Promise?"_

 _"I promise." He promised. My shoulders ache and my hands are getting sweaty. It's such an awkward position, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it. If only I could get a better grip._

 _I almost slips out of my grip again and a scream pierces through me._

 _Next thing I know was a strong arm wrapped around me and lift me up. Few seconds later I was on the ground._

 _I am on top of Christian, crying, trembling, hugging him so hard._

 _He shaking just as hard as I was. Shivering, he hugs me back, I sprawled on his lap, alive._

 _He got me. He saved me. "You scared the shit out of me, dumbass."_

 _"You're not supposed to cuss at me." I replied shakily._

 _I've never felt this light-headed. Tightening my arms around him, I press my lips to his chest. He stopped breathing for few seconds. I wait for him to push me away but then he relaxed before saying "You can't do that ever again. Can't scare me like that. I thought you were going to die." Then Mia and Kate come running down on me hugging me, crying. But I think I fall in love with him that day._

After that day, his attitude was different with me, we have become closer. I've been unsure about many things in my life except that I have always loved him. Every single minute of every single day that I have been on this earth, my heart has belonged to him. It has never been a question, never a doubt. The love had taken on many different forms over the years, but it had always been a constant.

He and I had become such an extension of each other. Grace said we had developed our own language, like twins did. Christian and I had understood exactly what we were saying without saying a word. Our secret language continued as the time passes.

The connection we shared kept getting stronger as the years passed. Christian could read me like no one else could. He knew my thoughts, my moods, and my feelings, just like I knew his. As we got older, our instincts sharpened and we knew when the other was in need without a word passing between us.

There are experts on love who will tell you how to get it, keep it, and get over it. We're led to believe it's complicated but it not, it's the feeling that comes along with love, especially jealousy.

By the age I was thirteen I wasn't sure if it was my raging hormones or other girls drooling over Christian, constantly, but I had started looking at him differently. I didn't like the way they looked at him or talked about his body parts. These new feelings were confusing to me. I knew when I was with him, I felt excited, happy, and safe. When we weren't together it felt like a part of me was missing.

Since we shared all of our firsts together, I guess it was only natural that my first crush would be on Christian. He was three years older than me, obviously had to have a life besides me. I just can't control the feelings and I don't like the distance it had created between us. And it hurts like bitch.

I did what I am best at, hide. To mask the pain, hurt and jealousy I started avoiding him. Only it wasn't that easy to Mr. Christian Grey especially when he has his mind set on something. So hiding didn't work but his reassurance did. He told me I was his best girl and no-one can take my place in his heart. Which I don't know what that place is because I so don't wanna be his sister. I don't left with much of a choice but come to terms with it. But that doesn't mean I have to be okay with it. There's was no way I'm going to play buddy- buddy with his girlfriends. Actually they are not girlfriends because they never last more than few weeks.

We were back to being Christian and Ana when my world came crumbling down on me. My mom, Carla died. She went to shopping to buy present for Ray's birthday. She was on her way back home and a drunk driver ran a red light and slammed into the driver's side of her car, causing a blow to her temple that killed her instantly.

There are no words that can describe the feelings of lossing your soulmate. That day I lost my mother and a friend but Ray lost his soulmate.

It was Christian who held me at nights when I cry for my mom. When I was screaming at nights for my mom, he whispered sweet nothing to me and sings lullaby to keep my nightmares away.

As time passes, the pain dulls but it's still there. Ray was working on autopilot. But he still make sure to provide for my needs. It took him more than a year finally come to terms with mom's death. Though I know that losing someone wasn't a particular feeling that lasted for a certain amount of time; it was something you had to live with for the rest of life.

Only I wasn't aware that one day I have to go through the same pain.

But in my case, it's worse when the person you love is alive and love you but he don't remember you. You have see him with someone else, especially when you hate that someone the most, it's make you miserable.

A shadow falls over me. I flick a glance to my left, and my eyes meet with a suit. A very nice black suit covering a really broad chest.

Suit Guy takes the seat beside me and turns to me with a smile on his face. And says "Hello," in the British accent I've ever heard.

"Hi." My word comes out strangled.

"You have to have the window shutter open on takeoff," he tells me, nodding in the direction of the window, pulling me from my thoughts.

I think I'm supposed to move to open the shutter, but I can't seem to function like a normal human being right now because I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't realize what was going around me.

Then suddenly the intercom announcement comes on with the captain telling us there's a slight delay while we wait for another plane to take off before ours.

Just what I needed

No matter how hard you try to move on, some forces are beyond your control and they won't let you move on. Memories, good or bad they are part of you, you can try to block them but you can't stop them. They always found a way back in your life.

I always thought Christian loved me just as much as I loved him, if not more. The day he proposed me was the best day of my life. It felt like as if it all happened yesterday.

 _I gasp when I walk out of master bathroom and see that the bedroom looks like a flower shop. Rose petals cover every inch of the room. I don't think he could have gotten this many roses from the greenhouse. Did he bought the whole flower shop? My beautiful boyfriend stands in the center of the room, a soft smile on his lips._

 _"You know what today is?" he asks, moving toward me, closing the distance between us. "Thirteen years ago today was the first time I laid eyes on you. You walked right into my life and changed it forever." He leans in and takes a tender kiss from my lips. He delves one hand into my hair._

 _"Four thousand seven hundred and forty eight roses, one for each day since that day." A tear escapes, but Christian kisses it and stops it in its path. I never knew life could be this good. Could be so perfect. That fairy tales were real. But they are. Here I stand in my bedroom with a man who would do anything to make me smile, a man who would do anything for his family._

 _Tugging my hand, he pulls me further into the room, and before I know it, he's sinking to one knee in front of me. Holy hell . . . I did not expect this! I stop breathing._

 _From his inside jacket pocket he produces a ring and gazes up at me, his eyes bright gray and raw, full of emotion._

 _"Anastasia Steele. I love you. I want to love, cherish, and protect you for the rest of my life. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me."_

 _I blink down at him as my tears fall. My man. I love him so, and all I can say as the tidal wave of emotion hits me is, "Yes"_

 _"Yes. I'll marry you. Oh god! Christian this is a dream come true." I kissed him so hard._

 _"You're too perfect, you know that?"_

 _"I don't know about that, but I know no matter how hard I try I'll never catch up to your perfection." He places another kiss on my lips before pulling me toward the bed and laying me down._

There are two most devastating feelings in the world are failure and loneliness. All others pale in comparison.

Failure, to a certain degree, is under you're control. In theory, if you work hard and give 100% you will achieve your goal.

Loneliness, is worse than failure. Loneliness is controlled by others. I've heard people say, just because you're alone doesn't mean you're lonely and you can be standing in a crowded room with people, but feel lonely.

There's only one person in my life who reigns over whether or not I'm lonely. Whether I'm physically with him or not, knowing he's in my life keeps the loneliness away. When he's standing in front of me and I feel him slipping away, the ache of loneliness takes over and drowns me. Being that vulnerable to a person is frightening.

He promised to love me, protect me but he was the only one destroyed me...


	8. Chapter 5 (Anastasia POV)

**AUTHORS NOTE: WARNING!**

ALL the crazy fans of Mr. Christian Grey, there's a 99% of possiblity that you all start hating me after this chapter but my request is to keep an open mind.

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

 _PAST (Three months after The Accident)_

 **ANASTASIA**

 _The Day I Lost_ My _Love_

This night will be embedded in my memory until I'm forced into my death bed. However, this time, there was no going back; there was no delete button, or escape button...

I wasn't feeling very well since my morning sickness started only it happens all the day. I don't get why it's called as morning sickness. In attempt to cheer me up Kate forced me to go a party with her. She is not taking no for an answer so agreed. I know she only doing this to distract me. Since Christian came back from hospital it is very difficult to stay away from him. According to doctors he had suffered from blood clot and there's some swelling in his brain which is blocking his memory.

When he refused to recognise me, it was heartbreaking but his parents and Ray helped me stay strong. Mia and Elliott were so great to me, I feel ashamed. They should be focusing on there brother, instead they are here to help me.

He was so distant and closed off, it was so painful to see his indifference towards me. It was difficult not to be able to touch him when he was suffering from pain.

His nightmares are back, when I saw him struggling I couldn't stop myself from hugging him knowing it'll keep his nightmares at bay. But when he woke up he pushed me so hard I fall from the bed. Pain shoot through my body I almost had a panicked attack at the thought of lossing my baby. As much as it hurts physically, it couldn't be compared to my emotional state. I want to help him but I can't.

Eventually his parents told him about me, it was not easy for him to accept. Well I agree with him, I mean really how can I make him understand something which I don't even understand myself. He remembers most of the people, only he is not able to remember his friend, his only girlfriend and his fiancée and the mother of his child. Me!

There was no point about hiding my pregnancy. So I told his parents and Ray knows about my pregnancy but they think he's not ready yet and I completely agree with them. Both of us are struggling, I from my pregnancy mood swings and morning sickness, him from his memory loss. Every day I get to see a new shade of Christian grey, hell if I don't know better I would say it's him who is having pregnancy mood swings or he's bipolar. But I know how hard he's trying to remember.

He may not remember me but he is still my Christian. It's not rocket science to read his expression when he thinks I wasn't looking. Make no mistake, he's still that jealous, possessive boyfriend, he may try to hide it.

First month was a war and second was still a struggle, like literally. When he was discharged from hospital he won't let anyone touch him or help him. He was a stubborn kid who needs be handled with love and thats what I did, Surprisingly it worked. We started forming a bond. We became friends and with every passing day we've grown closer.

I don't even remember my own birthday but when he showed up at my house with candles and chocolate cake, I know it was going to be the best birthday of my life.

He may not remember me but the connection we had was strong enough to overcome any obstacles. Now it doesn't matter he remembers or not we will make new memory. That's what I keep telling myself.

"Ana" Kate voice bring me back from my memory lane.

"Ana, you ready to go home."

"Yeah but I need to pee, I'll be back."

"Wait, I'll come with you."

So, Kate and I lazily walked down the hall while laughing, we finally made it to the upstairs bathroom. Slightly ahead of me Kate tried the knob, but it was locked. A high-pitched voice inside called out, "Just a minute!" I grumbled in frustration. I had to pee really, really bad. Kate and I leaned against the wall laughing and joking when all of a sudden we heard a guy's voice mumbling and shushing from behind the door along with the girl's giggles.

Kate looked at me with wide eyes and a knowing smile, and I threw my head back silently laughing hysterically. I turned to Kate and whispered, "I really hope they make it quick, because I'm not sure how long I can hold it." The downstairs bathroom had a long ass line, and really, how long could this guy possibly last?

"No kidding," Kate responded on a laugh and then went on to tell me about one of the many guys she met while at college orientation in New York. "He was so fine Ana. God, I can't wait to see-" She was cut off when all of a sudden a deep, threatening voice boomed, "Don't look at me!"

I stopped breathing.

It couldn't be-

"Don't touch me. Keep your fucking hands on the counter." The deep voice demanded.

Oh. My. God!

I froze. The blood running through my veins turned to ice. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't see.

I knew that voice.

I looked at Kate to see her reaction hoping that I was just insane and hearing things, but nope, she had stopped laughing and was now glaring at the locked door.

Oh God, please tell me this isn't happening! The tightness in my chest was suffocating me.

I placed a hand to my chest and had to concentrate on the beating of my heart because there was a good possibility I might just pass out. No, I might actually throw up, or both. Kate turned toward me and whispered "Let's go" in my ear, but I couldn't move.

What was she thinking?

No way in hell was I moving. I scowled at her. I wasn't moving until I saw the bastard with my own eyes. He could always lie and say it wasn't him, and I'd want to desperately to believe him that I'd just go on living in doubt.

At that thought, the moaning started; the girl's moans, not Christian's. I had every sound Christian made while having sex memorized, but this time it seemed Christian was a silent partner. More than likely the jerk just didn't want to get caught. The idiot was having sex in the bathroom of our mutual friend's house and he didn't want to get caught!

The moaning continued and I heard the girl beg, "Harder, harder!" I closed my eyes as the tears rained down my cheeks. I heard a couple of Christian's barked, "Shut up's" and it seemed like a lifetime that I was standing there even though it couldn't have been more than five minutes. A few people walked by saying things and asking questions. They were just being friendly, but I had no idea who they were. I couldn't concentrate on anything but that damn door!

Suddenly the moaning grew louder, and louder. "Yes!" I head the girl squeal and an instant later, every sound in the world ceased.

There was about two minutes of oblivion before the door knob jiggled and the lock finally clicked. I wondered what they were doing during those silent minutes; were they kissing? Were they staring longingly at one another as Christian and I did after making love.

Kate reached down to hold my hand trying to give me a sense of comfort, when the door opened and Cassie, Christian's ex walked out with a satisfied smile on her face. When she saw me, that smile immediately turned evil.

I was about to make my move when Kate's hand tightened so hard around mine I flinched. I knew what she was telling me without saying the words, so I took a long, deep breath and moved my eyes away from the ugly smile on Carrie's face to look at the son of a bitch behind her.

And there he was.

Christian

My Christian

The ice running through my veins quickly ignited into fire at the sight of him. My face was burning up as the tears continued to spill. With all my mixed emotions churning, I knew it was only a matter of time before I threw up.

I couldn't believe this was actually happening, that this was real life and not a nightmare. I closed my eyes wishing I could vanish. Wishing I had never fallen in love with Christian; or even met him for that matter.

I thought he was my best friend and the love of my life. The guy I planned to marry and have a family with. Who is this person? Where is my Christian? What has he done with him?

What a silly, silly little girl I am.

I knew from that moment on, my life was over. My heart was shattered beyond repair. I expected we would both make mistakes since we were still so young, but I never would have imagined anything like this. What hurt the most was the fact that he was a liar! I thought we were moving forward. But no he was lying to me. Was I so blind to bring back my Christian that I didn't see...see this person.

Now, I hated him with everything I had. No that's a lie, I would always love my Christian, but I hated this person with so much passion that I knew I would never be able to forgive him. Not ever!

It took a while for him to acknowledge my presence. He didn't see me because his head was still down, hand rubbing the back of his neck in a way one might actually think he regretted what he just did.

Once he reached the threshold of the door I made sure to commit his beauty to memory because I never planned on seeing it again.

Even though my eyes were blinded by tears, I still saw the horrified expression on his face when he looked up and realized I was standing there. I silently wondered if he was horrified that he got caught, or horrified by what he'd just done. He didn't say anything and we stared at each other for an eternity. He looked completely lost.

He quickly turned his head toward Cassie and whispered "What the fuck?

Is this seriously happening right now?

I was so hot that I could swear my eyes turned red. I ignored everything and everyone around me and screamed, "How could you do this to me?" I barely finished my sentence before I choked on a sob.

"Ana," he said in a quiet, but rough and strangled voice.

He looked completely destroyed and possibly even a little angry, but he surprised me by speaking softly, "I'm sorry, please just listen...

"No, Christian!" I shouted, determined to be strong.

I was so done with him.

He had only lost his memory not his mentality.

I took a few breaths to calm myself. I didn't want to embarrass myself any more than he already had, so when I looked in his mesmerizing eyes, my next words were quiet but firm, "I hate you, Christian. I don't want to hear anything you have to say to me."

I took another deep breath as I started heating up again. "I truly hate you and I never want to see you again in my life!"

Well, it seemed deep breathing didn't work out too well since I ended that last bit on another shout. So much for not embarrassing myself even more, either; the crowd already surrounding us grew bigger.

I continued shouting. "Why?"

He didn't say anything at all and continued to stare at me with tortured eyes. He at least had the decency to look as shattered as I was.

"Ana, you're scaring me. Let's just get out of here," Kate said quietly at my side. When she started to pull me away, I realized that screaming at this man was pointless.

Memory Or No Memory

No way could I ever forgive him for this.

When he spoke next, he spoke so softly and my ears were ringing so badly, I almost didn't hear him, but I did. I stopped mid-step and every muscle in my body tensed up.

"Ana, I'm so sorry. Everything, it was too much." His voice was pained and every word was like a knife twisting in my heart. He paused before continuing. "I made a mistake. One mistake Ana, I swear. Please just let me explain."

At that moment, he started speaking, more like stuttering, rapidly and his voice grew louder. "You're only eighteen, Ana, I panicked. I know that's a stupid excuse... I can't explain it right... I'm really screwing this up… I've had too much to drink and she just wouldn't leave me alone... It meant nothing to me. Then I heard... You are pregnant... I freaked out"

I twisted my neck around so fast that I was certain I'd be feeling the effects of whiplash later. He immediately stopped stumbling.

"You know, how?" I asked

"Mom and dad were talking about your health and... I overheard them. I freaked out. I was scared and I had to get away from there, so I come here." He paused.

"There were so many emotions going inside of me. I was scared out of my mind. I was frustrated, irritated and she was following me around and wouldn't leave me alone. I reacted badly... I am so sorry."

"Why didn't you come to me?" I asked softly, I know about his past, his fears.

"What?" He asked surprised.

"I know Christian you're scared and so am I. Do you think it's easy for me."

For a second, I was caught off guard when I realized that he had tears in his eyes. His hand came up to swipe down his face. Seeing him cry only added to my pain. I may not forgive him today but I know I will forgive him someday. Maybe I am also responsible for what he did today.

"Ana, I don't know what to do, I wasn't thinking clearly but I never meant to hurt you." He choked then take a deep breath.

"Ana, you are beautiful, intelligent and funny. I still don't understand why you have chose me. I tried, I try every single day to remember what we had, who we were?"

"What you make me feel, sometimes it's too much. It's so overwhelming that I feel like I'm lossing control over everything." He said firmly. "I can't do this, Ana."

"What are you trying to tell me? Christian!" I don't think I can handle what he is going to say next.

" Ana, I am not the person you are looking for...I am not that person you keep telling me about... what kind of father I am going to be?"

"I am not ready to be a father.. I can't do this, I promise I'll provide for it..." His voice choked, tears running down his face.

"I've done nothing but love you Christian. Being the silly little dreamer girl I am, even at eighteen, I was more than ready to spend my life with you. You were everything to me." My voice was uneven and I had to pause to think through the fog.

"Good luck with the rest of your life Christian, I really do hope you'll be happy." I finished on a whisper, then turned and ran away as fast I I could. I heard a lot of commotion coming from behind me, but I couldn't look back. I had to get out of there.

Outside, Kate started screaming as soon as my feet hit the pavement.

"Oh God, Ana I am so going to kill him.." but I wasn't listening her.

"Ana," she murmured, "you're scaring me. I've never seen you so withdrawn before. Please say something."

I blinked up at Kate and said, "I don't feel anything. What's wrong with me?"

She frowned "It's shock, that's all."

I felt numb, and I didn't like not feeling anything.

"Let's get you home"

"No!" I don't wanna go home.

My God, I'm going to be sick!

Kate helped me. She told me she's taking me to her apartment.

Suddenly, everything starts hurting. There's so much pain, it's unbearable. Why their is so much pain? I feel as if my heart is bleeding.

Oh God! I lost him.

He doesn't want me. He doesn't want my baby.

I lost my Christian.

I shut the bathroom door and flick on the light, the sudden brightness hurting my eyes so I squeeze them shut as the dizziness hits me at full force. I bend over, hand on the toilet rim, stomach tensing and ready to puke, but all I feel is the room spinning. My stomach revolts, the dry heave hitting me over and over. My stomach is tensing so forcefully I feel wetness run down my legs.

But I'm so tired—so sleepy—and afraid I'm going to throw up again, I decide to lay my head atop my hands on the rim of the toilet and just rest my eyes for a minute.

My head starts to slide off of the toilet, and I don't know how much time has passed but the falling motion jerks me awake. I'm immediately assaulted with such a wave of heat through my body followed up by an absolute chill that I force myself to stop a minute and take a deep breath.

Something's not right.

"ANA! ANA open the door." Kate pounding on the door.

why is the floor covered in blood?

My baby! No God, I can't lose my baby.

NO! Please don't take my baby.

"Kate" I call, but I'm so weak I know my voice isn't loud enough.

Darkness threatens to pull me under its clutches.

Please don't take my baby.

I have nothing left to resist its smothering blackness.

* * *

 **CHRISTIAN**

I'm sitting in the hospital hallway, staring up at the ceiling, swimming in my own grief. How had it come to this? How had life brought me to this place – not just this room in this building, but the unbearable state of my own heart and mind? I want to escape myself, I want to crawl out of my own head and become a shadow curled up in the corner, just a ball of emptiness. I had destroyed the most important person who had ever tried to love me, and the pain in that realization is so devastating that it feels crushing, constricting, too big to handle.

 _When Kate called me in panic, I went to her house as fast as I can._

 _"Christian, ana had looked her inside the bathroom. She is not answering, please do something." Kate said in panic._

 _"Do you have a spare key."_

 _"No!"_

 _"Okay stand back, I have breakdown the door."_

 _It's a split fucking second of time between my last word and the door flinging open but I swear to God it feels like a lifetime. So many thoughts—a fucking million of them fly through my mind, like at the start of a race—but the one I always block out, the one that I never let control me, owns every fucking part of me now._

 _Fear._

 _My mind tries to process what I see, but I can't comprehend it because the only thing I can focus on is the blood. So much blood, and sitting in the middle of it, shoulders slumped against the wall, eyes closed and face so pale it almost matches the light marble behind it, is Ana. My mind stutters trying to grasp the sight but not processing it all at once._

 _And then time snaps forward and starts moving way too fucking fast._

 _"No!" I don't even realize it's my voice screaming, don't even feel the blood coat my knees as I drop to them and grab her. "ANA! ANA!" I'm shouting her name, trying to jostle her the fuck awake, but her head just hangs to the side._

 _"Oh God! Oh God!" I repeat it over and over as I pull her into my arms, cradle her as I jolt her shoulders back and forth to try to wake her up. And then I freeze—I fucking freeze the one time in my life I need to move the most. I'm fucking paralyzed as I reach my hand up and stop before it presses to the little curve beneath her chin, so afraid that when I press my two fingers down there isn't going to be a beat to meet them._

 _"Oh! God. Ana" I can hear Kate's voice in the background. "Christian we've to help her."_

 _No! No! No!_

 _Please don't die. Please don't let my worst nightmare come true._

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to rid my mind of everything but it's not working. All I can think of is that my demons have finally won. They've taken the purest thing I've ever had in my life and are stealing her fucking light.

What have I done?

Doctor walks out, letting the door swing closed behind her.

"Are you the baby's father?" she asks softly as she sits down next to me and places her hand on my knee and squeezes. And all I can focus on right now is my hands, my fucking fingers, the hands still strain with dried blood. My hands start to tremble as my eyes can't move away from the sight of Ana's blood still staining me.

My baby's blood staining me.

I raise my head, tear my eyes away from the symbol of life cracked and dead on my hands, and hope and fear for things I'm now not sure of all at the same fucking time.

"Yeah," I say barely above a whisper. I swallow over the gravel scraping my throat. "Yes." My dad squeezes my shoulder again as I look over at her brown eyes as mine beg for a yes and no at the same time.

She squeezes my knee again and speaks. "I'm so sorry. The baby didn't make it."

I don't know what I expected her to say because my heart knew the truth even though my head hadn't quite grasped it yet. But her words stop the world spinning beneath my feet and I can't breathe, can't draw in any air. I shove myself to my feet and stagger a few feet one way and then turn to go the other way, completely overwhelmed by the buzzing in my ears.

I killed my own child. I have done this.

I couldn't think, why couldn't I think.

"Dad?" My voice sounded foreign even to my ears.

I could feel myself breathing; I could hear the hustle and bustle of movement around me but I couldn't feel, couldn't move.

"Christian, Christian, son can you hear me?"

"What's wrong with him, dad?"

"Wait a minute Elliott…"

"Get a room ready for my son….now." I heard mom says.

"You kids start talking….now, what the hell is going on with these two, I know my son would never take drugs so what the hell is this?"

I could hear all of this but couldn't respond, why couldn't I respond?

And then hands held me down as I fought the reality, the pain, the devastation until the needle was pressed into my hand and darkness claimed me once again.

* * *

AUTHOR: I am working on the next chapter which is from Grace pov, that chapter will answer your questions about Why Grey's hiding about Ana from Christian and what happened after Ana lost her baby.


	9. Chapter Six (Grace POV)

**CHAPTER SIX**

 **GRACE POV**

I am waiting for Anastasia to arrive since I got her text telling me she'd reached at the hospital.

Suddenly the door opens, and I glance up expectantly, Anastasia strides in. Her face is pale. When she saw me standing here she run towards me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh, Grace," Ana sob while I hold her.

"Ana, honey." I pat her back . "I'm so sorry," I mumbles, my voice cracking.

Oh no. My poor babygirl.

I pulled her into my arms once again and hold her.

"Hey, Ana, don't cry." I gently strokes her hair. I wrap my arms around her and let her softly weep. We stand like this for ages. For so long I wish for her to be here but surely circumstances would have been different

We pull apart when Elliott joins us in the waiting room. I handed her a tissue from a conveniently placed box.

Elliott pulled her into his arms and holds her. " Oh, Elliott." Ana sob.

"Sit down, Ana." Elliott ushers her to one of the vinyl-covered armchairs.

"What happened? How did this happened? How is he?"

Elliott holds up his hands to halt her barrage of questions and sits down beside her. "He was on his way to the office when he hit by some stupid fucking drunken driver, his car hit the passenger side and Ray."

The door opens again, and Dr. James enters.

He looks exhausted and harrowed.

"Raymond Steele" Ana whispered.

"You must be Anastasia Steele, Dr. Grey informed me about you." Dr. James said.

"Yes, how is he?"

"When he arrived yesterday he was in a serious condition we have to perform surgery immediately. And the surgery went well. For now your father is stable, but in a critical condition." Dr. James said.

"What does that mean?" Ana asked wary.

"He suffered severe internal injuries," Dr. James says, "principally to his diaphragm, but we've managed to repair them, and we were able to save his spleen."

"Unfortunately, he suffered a cardiac arrest during the operation because of blood loss. We managed to get his heart going again, but this remains a concern. However, our gravest concern is that he suffered severe contusions to the head, and the MRI shows that he has swelling in his brain. We've induced a coma to keep him quiet and still while we monitor the brain swelling."

"It's standard procedure in these cases. For now, we just have to wait and see."

"How long will you keep him in a coma?" Ana asked.

"That depends on how his brain responds. Usually seventy-two to a ninety-six hours."

"Can I see him?" Ana whisper.

"Yes, you can see him. He is in ICU on the sixth floor."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Dr. James nods, turns and leaves us.

"Ana honey I know this is a very hard time for you but don't forget we'll always be there for you." I tried to reassure her. She nods.

"Elliott why don't you take Ana to see Ray." They both turned to leave.

"Wow Ana, you're so grown up, seems like these years did good on you" Elliott tease her before the door closed behind them.

Pulling out my phone from my coat pocket and dialed Christian's number. It rings for few seconds before he answers.

"Hello Mom!" His voice as usual tells me he's busy with something.

"Hello darling, how are you?" I asked calmly knowing he'll starts getting annoyed.

"Mom, I am fine. Look mom I am in a meeting." Clearly annoyed now.

"I know darling you're busy but then when you're not. But I don't wanna interrupt your meeting, I called to inform you I want you to attend this Sunday family dinner as a very important guest will be joining us."

" Mom I can't I've already promised Elena to have dinner with them on Sunday." Of course that troll would not leave any chance to separate my son for our family. She knows it wouldn't be long before one of my family member patience snap and we'll tell him everything about them. If I had any kind of what kind of snakes those women are I would have never let my son anywhere near them. Only it was too late when Mia told me about them.

Trying to control my anger I says calmly. "Son I think you would really like to meet this guest."

"Mom, I don't think so." He said uninterested

"Well Christian if I remembered correctly you had asked me about a brunette girl with blue I think person can help you to give some information about the girl." His silence on the other side of line told me that I have shocked him. Only when he spoken again it was my turn to be silent with shocked.

"That person knows about my Ana."

Did he just said my Ana? Did he remembered everything? Maybe I've heard him wrong.

"Mom, did that person knows about Ana?" He asked impatiently.

"Christian.." don't know how to respond to him.

"Ana is that the name of the girl?" Trying not to give anything away.

"Yes... I don't know but this was the name I heard myself calling her. I am not sure but this person you're telling knows about her, right." I can hear so many emotions in his voice. Happiness, curiosity, impatience.

" Yes Christian she knows about your Ana." I whispered feeling so overwhelmed. We were both silent when he asked me softly.

"Mom, you know about Ana, don't you? And I also know you won't tell me anything, right." It was a statement not question. When I didn't say anything he sighed softly.

"Okay mom I'll be there on Sunday."

"Okay I love you" I say, and hear him say it back before he end the call.

There were so many times I wanted to tell him about Ana but I was bound by her promise.

"It's time for her to stop running and face the reality. No-one can change what happened five years back and it's time to right the wrongs." I promised to myself.

When Ana had miscarriage her child five years back it was painful for all of us. But the cause of it left all of us devastated.

What Christian did was Unforgettable and there was no excuse that can justify his actions. But when doctors told him about Ana's miscarriage he didn't take it well. He was still recovering from his accident and everything that was happening around his was too much for his brain. His brain was not able to process all the information and gave out. He suffered from a stroke and start having seizures due to which he went into coma.

According to doctors, the only reason for his state was distress and anxiety. But it was difficult for us understand because we've never seen the symptoms before. But then there's nothing new about it, at a very young age Christian learned to hide his emotions well. Those are very rare occasions when he expresses his emotions in front of others but with Anastasia he can't hide his emotions.

I feel ashamed that my son was in pain and struggling every day and I didn't even knew anything about it. Moreover I was only adding to his pain trying to make him remember when he's not ready.

Ana lost lots of blood due to her miscarriage and was under observation. She was unconscious for more than thirty six hours before regaining consciousness. She was shattered when she came to know about the miscarriage and wasn't ready to talk to anyone. She was not in a very good condition and Ray doesn't want Ana to suffer more about Christian. Respecting his wishes we decided not to mention anything about Christian to her.

When Christian didn't make any attempt to meet Anastasia during her stay at the hospital she had an emotional breakdown. We have left with no choice but to tell her why Christian is not able to visit her. And once again she chose my son before herself. She is with him every single day and night when he was in coma.

During the time Christian was in coma we all prayed for him to wake-up and remember everything about Ana. But sometimes destiny have different ideas.

After spending seven days in coma Christian woke-up. We were expecting him to become upset about what happened the next before he went into coma but we were shocked when he didn't recognize Anastasia at all. Once again he forgot about Anastasia but this time he doesn't even remember the last three months. All that we have done in last three months to make him remember about Ana was also forgotten.

His doctors informed us that Christian's brain is not ready to remember everything, if we try to force him to remember there maybe chances of him suffering from nervous breakdown or worse, brain hemorrhage. That was a very difficult time for us.

When we were not ready to make a decision about it, Ana once again proved her love for Christian is way to stronger than we have thought. She sacrificed her happiness for Christians health.

Christian was discharged from hospital couple of days later. And Ana decided to leave for New York, though Ray was not happy but he had seen her daughter suffering in those three months before and doesn't want her to go through that allover again.

The bond she shared with Christian made me feel jealous on occasions but as long as my son is happy it doesn't matter. But that day I think I feel in love this beautiful girl. The sacrifices she had made for my son is something I can never repay her. She is perfect, I couldn't have found anyone so perfect for my son.

Before leaving to New York she made us all promised not to tell anything about her to Christian before he remembers her, we all agreed.

Now that he started remembering about her, I don't think I am breaking any promises.

* * *

 **AN HOUR LATER**

"Ana darling are you okay," I asked concern. I find Anastasia outside Ray's room weeping.

"It's just so hard to see him like this, Grace. He looks so fragile and s..small. I am so scared I don't wanna loss him too." She sobs

"Oh Ana! Don't think like that, he's fine. Nothing going to happen to him. Ana you have to stay strong for him." I reassure her.

After a few minutes when she's calmed. I told her to go home and get some rest. But she refused.

"Ana, you need to rest otherwise you will make yourself sick. Then how will you take care of him." Thankfully she agreed.

" Oh Ana, I am having a family dinner on Sunday, I would be very happy if you'll come." I say softly.

"..mm I am sorry Grace but I can't." She murmured

"Ana, don't worry Christian won't be there he's going out of town on some business." I lied, the disappointed expression on her face tells me that I am doing the right thing.

She left before agreeing to be there for dinner on Sunday.

Oh my god I can't wait to tell Carrick about everything, he is going to be so happy. He tries to show that he's tough but I know how much misses Ana. He has always loved her and cared for her. He is as worried about her as we all are , if not more.

* * *

 **AUTHORS NOTE:** Hi viewers I hope you are enjoying the story so far. And I am very happy with the response I am getting.

In my next chapter I'll start writing where Ana and Christian will finally meet with each other after five years gap.

How would you feel when he remembers everything about Ana on there first meeting? OR

He regain few of his memory about Ana?


	10. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

 _PRESENT_

 **CHRISTIAN**

"Stop here." Taylor pulled up to the curb and let me out. It was still early enough in the day that there weren't too many people around, less annoyance for me to deal with.

I walked into the coffee shop with my head down as I looked at my phone, making my way up to the counter. "I'll have a coffee with steamed milk."

I paid and left without once looking at the person behind the counter and walked smack dab into a warm body. "Son of a…"

I looked up sharply at the expletive and came face to face with beauty. Maybe it's because I wasn't expecting it that it stopped me cold.

She was a little bit of a thing, barely reaching my chin. But her curves under the fitted jeans-top and the long chestnut hair that fell over her shoulders and back painted quite a picture. She has grocery bags in her hands.

I got just a small glimpse of her beautiful blue colored eyes before she looked down at herself where I'd spilled my drink.

Her scent reached me and my body reacted so strongly the shock of it left me reeling. I stood there staring down at her as time seemed to stand still.

I wait for her to look up at me. There is something familiar about her which I can't tell.

She lifted her head and started to speak but her eyes widen when she looked up at me. When I get a better look of her face, my widen in shock. And I realized who exactly I am staring at.

"Ana" I grasped all the air left my body. Now it's her who is staring me in shock. For few seconds she doesn't say anything. I looked at her, trying to read her. Abruptly she dropped the grocery bags from her hands, then turns and ran in opposite directions from me.

What the fuck!

 **ANASTASIA**

Christian!

When I looked up at the wall of a man I wasn't expecting Christian. I stopped where I was and froze. My feet felt like they weighed a million pounds.

It's been only twenty four hours since I am back in Seattle and here I am standing right in front of him.

He was larger than I remembered; as impossible as that should be. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly.

He had to be the sexiest man I'd ever seen.

Get it together Ana! None of that matters now. He doesn't know you. Then his eyes widen as if he's shocked. But when he grasped my name it was my turn to stare at him in shock.

Does he remembered everything? Does he know who I am?

I waited for him to say something, but he remained quiet and very, very still; I felt naked under his gaze. I couldn't do this.

I let the grocery bags slowly slide down my arms to the steps and I listened as random items fell through the cracks. So be it.

As soon as I was free, I whipped my body around and started running out of the cafe.

I heard Christian shout. "Ana!" His voice thundered, but I just kept running. I had no idea where I was going I just knew I couldn't let him catch me. "Ana stop!" I didn't think so. I made it to the side street and flew across without even looking.

"Ana!" I heard him shout again, but this time Christian's voice sounded panicked.

I made it to the park across the street and slowed just a bit to catch my breath while deciding which way to go. I was about to veer to the right when Christian slammed into my back. Somehow he managed to twist us around so we landed on our sides.

Ouch! Shit that hurt!

His grip constricted on my waist and he quickly maneuvered his body to roll on top of me. I was winded now.

"Jesus Ana! Did I hurt you?" he asked while his eyes studied my body. I just shook my head, still trying to suck air into my lungs, but his weight made it hard.

"What the hell were you doing? Have you lost your God damn mind? You almost got hit by a fucking car!" he shouted. I didn't answer him. Instead I asked in a small voice, "Can you please get off me?"

"No," he growled at me, infuriated.

"Christian, please get off me," I asked softly and nicely. His eyes squeezed tight and I watched his jaw clench. He paused before roaring, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

I close my eyes and turned my head to the side. I felt a single tear slide across my temple. "I'm sorry Christian, please just let me up. I promise I won't run," I whispered unevenly. He lifted his free hand to wrap under my chin. He softly turned my face to towards his, but I kept my eyes closed.

He let go of my chin and waist and pushed himself to his feet. As he looked down at me, he reached out his hand to help me up, which was nice, considering how pissed he was.

As soon as I got up I started wiping at my face and clothes, while the last fifteen minutes replayed over and over again in my head. I started to turn away from him.

"Oh no, Princess. Not so fast." Then I'm in the air. My stomach hits his shoulder, taking me by surprise. I let out another small scream, and Christian smacks my ass.

I hear a catcall come from somewhere, reminding me we're in the middle of a busy sidewalk.

"Fuck off," Christian growls at whoever it was.

"Christian, put me down!" I yell.

"All right." And he does, but into the back of his car. I scurry to the other side of the car and try to open the door, but it's locked. I hear the car door shut behind me as Christian slides in. I try the handle again, but nothing.

"Let me out" I snapped.

"No! Not a word," he says, his voice low and holding no room for argument. This must be the cold persona people were talking about in the articles I read.

"You don't talk to me like that," I snap back. The hardness drops away from his face for a moment, and the soft smile he always gives me comes back.

My mouth falls open when I see his driver slides into the driving seat of the car and pulling away from the curb.

"Where to Sir?" he asked calmly as if he didn't just help his boss in kidnapping a complete stranger.

What the hell!

"Escala" he ordered. His casual tone is making me mad.

"I am not going anywhere with you, let me out right now" I ended that last bit on a shout.

He studies me for a moment before taking a few deep breaths. "That's where you're wrong." There is a hard, possessive edge to his words. I open my mouth to retort, but he cuts me off. "Not a word until we're alone."

"I'll—"

He cuts me off again. "Ana. I have ways to keep you from speaking." His attention drops to my mouth and I know he's right. If he kissed me right now I'd probably melt into him. I have no control when it comes to him. And it's even worse with him so close to me. It's been so long. And now here he is sitting right next to me. Something that I have always wished.

"You know this is kidnapping, do you make a habit of kidnapping stranger from streets?" I whispered

"Is it kidnapping? Ana, I don't think so. Are you a stranger to me? Yes! But am I a stranger to you? No!" He answered patiently.

"It's been so long you are haunting me in my dreams that now I don't think you are stranger to me anymore." He says quietly

"Haunting you?" Now I am one of the monsters in his life. My memories haunt him. I would have preferred he slap me but hearing him say those words breaks my heart.

"Whenever I am having a bad nightmare you show up in them and save me from the them and make me happy but only to snatch all that away in next few seconds. That's a very cruel thing to do."

Oh God, I save him from the bad memories of his past.

"So you think that I control your nightmares. Well I am not Jean, Mr. Wolverine." I tease

"I think that Diamonds and Professor Xavier have the ability to manipulate others thoughts." I chuckled at that. Seems like someone is still following X-Men series.

"Sorry, my bad!"

"Come we're here." He says softly, I didn't realize when the car stopped. He held out his hand for me. And I place my hand in his and step out of the car. Christian wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me tightly against him. It feels so good to be near him.

He drags me over to an elevator shaft and, after tapping a number into a keypad, the doors open. It's warm inside and all mirrored glass. I can see Christian to infinity everywhere I look, and the wonderful thing is, he's holding me to infinity too. Christian taps another code into the keypad, then the doors close and the elevator descends.

Moments later, we're in an all-white foyer. In the middle is a round, dark wood table, and on it is an unbelievably huge bunch of white flowers. On the walls there are paintings, everywhere. He opens two double doors, and the white theme continues through the wide corridor and directly opposite where a palatial room opens up. It's the main living area, double height. Huge is too small a word for it. The far wall is glass and leads on to a balcony that overlooks Seattle.

To the right is an imposing 'U' shaped sofa that could sit ten adults comfortably. It faces a state-of-the-art stainless steel - or maybe platinum for all I know - modern fireplace.

The fire is lit and flaming gently. On the left beside us, by the entryway, is the kitchen area.

All white with dark wood worktops and a large breakfast bar which seats six.

Near the kitchen area, in front of the glass wall, is a dining table surrounded by sixteen chairs. And tucked in the corner is a full size, shiny black grand piano. It makes me so happy to see that piano. There is art of all shapes and sizes on all the walls. In fact, this apartment looks more like a gallery than a place to live.

This place is so not my Christian.

I am standing in this enormous room feeling out of place. I walk over to the glass wall, and I realize that the lower half of the wall opens concertina-style on to the balcony. Seattle is lit up and lively in the background.

My heart is thumping. I want to run. This is seriously rich. Seriously over-the-top Bill Gates style wealthy. What am I doing here?

"What would you like to drink?" he asks. I blink at him. "A glass of water, please." Few minutes later another man appear with a glass of water and coffee. Yeah my top is still straining with coffee from earlier.

"Here." He hands me a glass of water. Even the glasses are rich... heavy, contempo-rary, crystal.

"You're very quiet and very pale, Ana," he murmurs. "Are you hungry?"

I shake my head.

"It's a very big place you have here."

"Big?"

"Big."

"It's big," he agrees, and his eyes glow with amusement. I take another sip of water.

"Do you play?" I point my chin at the piano.

"You know I play, Ana. Let not play around anymore, okay." He says seriously.

"Okay, so what do you want from me?" I asked hesitant.

"Truth" he say immediately like it's so easy.

"Okay why don't we start with a proper introduction. Hi! I am Christian Grey. And you are?"

"Anastasia Steele.." "wait are you somehow related to Mr. Raymond Steele?" Wow he is faster than I thought.

"Yes, he's my father." He's completely shocked with my statement. Turning to the second bodyguard I think that what he is. Christian asked "Sawyer?" Who shook his head in a no, Christian turned in my direction and glare at me.

"Don't lie, Ana."

"What the hell? Why would I lie about my own father." Now I am really getting mad. How dare him to call me a lier?

"You know what, I am done with your game, I am leaving." I started to stand. "Sit down Ana." He ordered harshly and I sit back down.

"Sir she's not lying, she is Raymond Steele stepdaughter Anastasia Steele. She was in New York for last five years." This comes from the Taylor guy. I don't even he was in the room.

"You knew about her all along and you didn't tell me?" Christian growled at Taylor. Oh god he's mad.

"Sir I didn't know that Ms. Steele was the same girl you are looking for." He replied.

Oh god, he'd been looking for me. I want to do a happy dance right now but think better off it.

"Christian give this poor guy a little break, I am sure he's not Professor Xavier who can read your mind. It's not his fault." Trying to lighten the mood, I turned to face Taylor and say " Don't worry, he only growls never bites." I giggled, I don't know why but I am trying to provoke him.

Poor Taylor don't find anything amusing in our situation.

"OUT" Christian yells, making us all jump a little. I can see the veins in his neck strain. Christian isn't a giant like Taylor and Sawyer—he's leaner with broad shoulders and a narrow waist—but those guys seem to be intimidated by him.

"Jesus Christian, You could ask nicely and I would leave," I say breezily, I move to get up.

"Not you. You keep your little ass where it is." Well, shit.

"You two, I want you out. Don't ever talk to her. Got it?"

"Yes, sir, we apologize," they say in unison before turning and leaving the room. I can't help but roll my eyes. Mr. Grey barks an order and everyone follows.

"Don't flirt with my staff." He glared at me. I stand try to create a distance between us.

" I wasn't flirting, I was just being friendly." His narrowed his eyes at me and open his mouth to say something then closed up.

" This isn't how this conversation should go." He says more to himself I think. Silence falls between us. Then he frown.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He asked out of nowhere.

"No!" He released a breath as if relieved. I feel a electric charge in the air. A sudden change come over us.

My eyes go straight to Christian. The look on his face makes me pause for a moment, wanting to take it all in. Love and possession fill his eyes.

Making his way towards me he grabs me in his arm and turn us around, pinning to the wall. He takes both of my wrists and cuff them with one hand above my head. he pulls me to him, taking my mouth in a deep kiss. I get lost in him, and once again everything melts away.

Suddenly he pulled away, his eyes are wide he is looking at me but he is not seeing me.

"Christian?" I try but with a thump voice he fall down on the floor. I kneel down to help him "Christian?.. I shout. "Help! Somebody help! Taylor! Sawyer!" I shout hoping one of them hear me.

Few seconds later they both appear. "Please help him, please help him! he fainted" I sob.

" Ma'am please calm down, we have to move him to the sofa." Taylor says. I move aside for them to help him. They both pick him up and layed him down on the sofa.

Sawyer informed me that doctor is on the way. I sit beside him holding his hand. Praying for his betterment. Please god let him be okay.

Suddenly the doors open, I was expecting the doctor but come face to face with myself. Okay not exactly myself but it took me a while to recognise who she is.

LEILA

Seriously, now I understand why Christian started dating her in the first place. Last time when I saw her she was natural blonde just like her mother Elena but she's a brunette. Is that how she gained Christian's attention? Pathetic.

When she realise who I am her face lost all the colour, as if she has seen a ghost. " What ar..are you doing here?" She stammer at first. When I didn't reply then she realised what was going on here. She runs in our direction.

"Christian" she grasped. " What have you done, you bitch? Get away from him." She ordered. I stand before replying to her. "Get out!"

"No! I'll not leave until I am satisfied that Christian is fine." I said firmly.

She grabbed my hand roughly and pulled me towards the door. " Leila leave my hand."

" No! I am gonna let you ruin my life again, and I am not gonna let take him away from me you are wrong, Christian is mine." She says wildly, she kept going on she isn't listening anything.

"Are you out of your mind, he is not well right now and all you care about is yourself. You really are A-class selfish bitch." I pulled my hand out of hers. She turns in my direction and glares at me. She moves to hit me but I am faster than her and stop her hand midway and twist it behind her back. "Don't even think about it, I am not the same girl you use to bully in highschool." I say before releasing her.

"Hey, stop it girls." Sawyer grabs me from behind and pulls me away from Leila while Taylor holds Leila.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Her" Christian roared making all of us jump. Taylor released Leila abruptly. First I thought Christian was mad at Taylor for holding Leila. But in next few seconds I am free from Sawyer's hold and Sawyer is on the ground. And Christia start hitting Sawyer.

"How dare you touch my Ana, how dare you touch my fiance." He growled. Taylor lift Christian away from Sawyer.

What did he just say?

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE** **:**

Hi viewers , thank you so much for your positive response. I can't tell how happy I am to finally write this chapter. I really like the ideas I got from you all, thank you for them.


	11. Chapter 8

**AUTHORS NOTE:** _Hi viewers, thank you for your support so far._

 _There are going to be many grammatical errors in this chapter but I wanted to update the story so I've updated it as it is. I have updated two chapters, so enjoy._

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

 _Continued..._

 **ANASTASIA**

"Sir, please calm down." Taylor says as he pulls Christian away from Sawyer.

" Don't touch me" Christian says pulling away from Taylor. Sawyer doesn't seems very good now. His nose is bleeding, Taylor help him stand and walk him to the back somewhere inside the house.

Christian turns and frowns while he looks between me and Leila.

My heart is beating so fast that it might come out of my chest. But I don't make any move towards him, I think I am still in shock. I am waiting for him to make the first move. And finally he goes in my direction.

But Leila didn't get what going on here and she goes to Christian.

"Christian darling, are you okay?" as she tries to touch his shoulder Christian take a step back.

"Don't touch me."

"Who are you?" Leila gape at him in shock and steps back.

It take a few moments to him to recognise her. I would not be surprised if he doesn't recognise her with all the makeover she had done. He stare at her in surprise.

"Leila Lincoln..."

"Leila, what the hell? What are you doing here?" He frown.

Taylor come back from wherever he went with Sawyer earlier. Christian saw him and turn to Leila " Are those your men? You sent them to hurt Ana."

"Christian.. " Sir.." both Leila and Taylor say at the same time. But I interrupt them.

"Christian they both are your Bodyguards."

" No they are not, Baby I never got around to hire them. If they told you so then they are lying." He says confidently.

Christian start looking around his surroundings and frown. "How did we get here? who's house is this? Ana "

"Yours.. this is your house." I don't know if I should tell him or not.

"This is our house?" He asked in disbelief.

Not our house Christian, ' your house' I wanted to say but didn't say anything.

"Ana is this some kind of joke, you know I can't afford to buy something like this right now but maybe in future I'll be able to buy a place like this."

Actually he can buy this house five years back then, only he was very proud and after dropping out of Harvard university and starting his business, he never used his trust fund money.

"Christian, this is your house you own it." He is staring at me.

"Is this some kind of joke? Because I am not liking it one bit. First, Leila is looking like you. Second, I have hired a bodyguard.. oh sorry two bodyguards, where one of them was manhandling you minutes ago. And lastly I am standing in an apartment I've never been and you're telling me I owned it. Seriously, what is going on here?" He shouts the last sentence. But I can't blame him nor I can help him. I don't know what to do I really wish Grace was here.

Talking a deep breath I go to him and takes his hand in mine while looking in his eyes. " Christian can you tell me what day it is or date?" I know that sounds stupid but I have to know.

"Seriously?" He's getting annoyed so I nod. He open his mouth and then close again.

He tries to remember his eyes narrow as if he is trying to focus, suddenly he frown then he closed his eyes. " I.. I don't know.. I don't remember.. I mean I went to office yesterday and.. why I can't remember the date, Ana?" He whispered, he is struggling with himself because he can't remember. I have seen him like this before so many times after his accident but this time I am not running away and I'll make sure he remembers everything.

"Baby do you remember what year is it? Do you remember any of us birthday passed recently." I spoke softly, cupping his cheeks in my hands.

"Yes, 2011 and we've announced our engagement to everyone... And I bought a car for you... Ana, why I can't remember the dates?"

 _Oh Shit!_

He thinks that it's 2011 that was the year he had accident and it's 2016 now.

I can feel he's panicking. So I hugged him, hold him and reassured him.

"Christian everything's going to be okay. I am here." Then I turn to Mr. Taylor.

"Mr. Taylor, can you call Christian's mom, Grace and explain her the situation...

And please escort Ms. Lincoln out of the apartment."

"how dare you.." one look from Christian shut her up and I am surprised she was quite for so long.

I wasn't expecting Mr. Taylor will listen to me cause I am not his boss.

" Ma'am if you please.." Taylor says politely but she cut him off

"Christian you can't do..."

"Get Out!" Christian growled. She flinch and then she glared at me before she huffs and stomps out of the room. Taylor follows behind her.

Christian and I only left in the house, he turn and his eyes find mine and he pulled me into another hug.

"Ana, what's happening here? I don't understand anything, I know you're saying that I own this house but I don't remember buying it...

And you look so different, your hair they are longer than last night, you look so grown up." I pulled away from him.

"Is it good different or bad different?" I ask playfully

"Definitely good, baby. More than good, especially your ass and these." He cupped my breasts. I smacked his hands away.

"Christian." I scold him playfully

He smiled his brilliant smile then turned serious. "Ana, what is happening here?"

"Christian I know you're scared and so am I but everything is going to fine. We just have to wait for your doctor and Grace to arrive. They'll help you and I am also here for you." I squeeze his hand. He closed his eyes, then blinked rapidly. His face tight as if in pain.

"Christian? Are you..."

Suddenly, the front door open, Taylor returned with a man. I think he is Christian's doctor. He seems in his late forties, he's tall, blonde hair. Doctor was surprised to see the intimate gesture between us but quickly hide his expression.

"Good morning, Mr. Grey," he greets Christian and says hello to me. Christian give him a questioning look.

"Sorry do I know you?" Christian asked confused. I look back and forth between the two. Doctor is looking at him as if he had grown two heads all the sudden.

"Yes.. I am your doctor." He waits for Christian to reply.

Christian's face grimaced again as if pain. He holds his head in his hands and take a deep breath. " Christian?" I say concerned

"Just give me a sec," he murmurs in pain. He take a step back from me.

* * *

 **CHRISTIAN**

It feels like that my head is going to explode.

Oh shit! It hurts..

"Just give me a sec," I murmured in pain and take a step back.

"FUCK" I yelled, damn it hurts.

"Christian?" I heard Ana voice but I can't tell

There are too many things happening all together, there are so many people and faces that I have never seen before. There are voices everything is happening so fast.

 _"You all are liers," my fifteen years old Ana is crying._

 _"When did I lie to you, Ana baby?" I asked holding her in my arms._

 _"You said I'm beautiful, you lied" she hiccups " but she told" hicck! " Everything th.. that I am ugly" hicck! " And y.. you pity me " hicck! " You don't love me." My heart filled with rage and I see red._

 _" Who said that to you, baby?" I hissed. Pulling away from me she said_

 _"LEILA-FUCKING-LINCOLN"_

 _"Anastasia what did I tell you about swearing" but she ignored me_

 _"She told what you think about me and what you said to her."_

 _"What did she tell you?" I growled_

 _"you said that I am a annoying little lovesick puppy who keeps following you everywhere and you only allow me around you because you pity me." She paused " I hate you, and I am not a lovesick pu.. puppy Go Away." She says madly. Mad is good, cause I can't handle her tears._

 _"Ana baby I love you.._

 _"Ana did you find my car keys?" I asked. I had been Looking for my car keys in our room. " I can't find it anywhere, I am going get late for my meeting."_

 _FUCK!_

 _I am going to get late and I don't do late._

 _"No honey" she says warily._

 _"Christian take my car. After all what's mine is yours. I'll go with Mia for shopping. You don't have to worry about me."_

 _Crunching metal, flashing sparks, engulfing smoke. Crashing, tumbling, free-falling, jolting._

 _"Christian." The doc is talking. "You were in a bad accident. You're lucky to be alive."_

 _A bad accident?_

Suddenly ana's face appear...

 _Curls piled on top of her head, face without makeup, hollow, tear-stained cheeks, eyes welled with tears, perfect fucking lips in a startled O standing in the doorway. She looks like she's been through Hell, but she's the most beautiful thing I've ever fucking seen._

 _"Christian" she whispered._

 _I blink my eyes open. Sleepily at first, and then finally I am aware of my surroundings and was fully awake. I_ _am lying in hospital bed_

 _We stared at each other. She looks so tired and exhausted. But her eyes is shining with so much love. And give me her best smile._

 _She lean forward and kisses my forehead. "My Christian, My beautiful love." She peppered my face with kisses._

 _When I didn't move, her eyebrows furrowed tensely, and she pulls back._

 _She lost her smile._

 _"Christian?" She asked hesitantly, touching my cheek and running a finger along my lips._

 _"Wh..who are you?" I said_

 _She paled suddenly._

 _"Christian," she whispered. "It's me. Anastasia, I am your Ana."_

My breath left my body in a loud whoosh, and I struggled to breathe.

I shook my head, or I thought I did. I felt too disconnected and paralyzed My breath was coming too fast, and my blood ran cold.

"No," I protested weakly, my voice barely coming out in a whisper.

My heart thundered against my chest almost painfully, and my mouth tasted bitter with bile. I was going to be sick. My stomach rolled and tightened.

Tears blurred my vision, and my lips quivered with the effort to keep my cries in.

"Christian?"

Ana...

"Mr. Grey" "Christian...

Pain splintered its way into my head and my skull. My neck ached with the impact, and my vision blurred.

"Please help him, oh god Christian"

My eyes rolled into my head and the dizziness threw me into a cloud of darkness and despair.

My final thought as darkness took over was Anastasia.

* * *

 **AUTHORS NOTE:**

 _Thank you so much for your support so far. I know it took me longer than usual to update the story. So I have decided to update two chapters altogether._

 _To be very honest this chapter was really difficult for me to write but I still complete it. There's going to be so many mistakes in this chapter but I still to update it as it is instead of perfecting it. Because I already have the next plot in my mind that I am dying to write._

 _I know you guys feel that Leila didn't get what she deserves but you have to wait a little, because she's definitely going down and her ass is definitely going to get kicked._

 _So If you like my story keep giving reviews. Thank you._


	12. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

 _Continued..._

 ** _NEXT DAY_**

 ** _CHRISTIAN_**

The light in the room seems unusually bright as I open and close my eyes, trying to adjust. My mouth is dry, causing my tongue to stick to the roof of it. I shift restlessly and catch my breath. "Ow," I moan, trying to figure out why I feel as if I've been hit by a car. Again, my eyes flutter and this time, I'm able to keep them open long enough to look at my surroundings. My vision is blurry and I blink rapidly, trying to clear it.

As I look around the unfamiliar room, I open my eyes, looking frantically around the room, but nothing has changed. I am in a hospital room.

"Just a dream," I whisper. "It's not real."

Suddenly, the words are coming again and this time, I'm wide-awake.

 _Ana screamed, "How could you do this to me?" She sobs, her eyes are red from tears_

 _"Ana," I said quietly my voice is rough and strangled._

 _"I'm sorry, please just listen..._

 _"No, Christian!" She shouts_

 _"I hate you, Christian. I don't want to hear anything you have to say to me."_

 _"I truly hate you and I never want to see you again in my life."_

 _"I've done nothing but love you Christian. Being the silly little dreamer girl I am, even at eighteen, I was more than ready to spend my life with you. You were everything to me."_

 _"Good luck with the rest of your life Christian, I really do hope you'll be happy."_

As the memories come flooding back, I realize with dawning horror that I'm not dreaming.

No no no...

"Please don't.. please don't leave me ANA" I shout her name.

"ANA? ANA?"

Oh god no don't let her leave me. I can't live without her.

Suddenly the hospital's door burst open and mom enters.

"Christian, are you okay" her voice filled with concern

"Mom, she left me..she left me... What have I done, mom I have destroyed everything. she hates me mom... she hates me" my heart hurts and I feel like I am dying inside.

"Christian calm down, she hasn't left darling she's here. She has only went to see Ray son."

"Ray?" I ask.

What happened to Ray?

"Christian I'll tell you everything later but first I need to call your doctor." She says before pressing a call button at my bedside.

"She told me herself that she hates me, Mom."I hugged her and sobbed like a baby in her arms.

"It's taken twenty-two years for you to let me hold you like this . . " She sobs

"I know, Mom. But I don't deserve your love mom after what I had done. I don't deserve anyone's love."

"I am the reason Ana... our child di.. died."

"Christian listen to me, what happened that night, no-one can change that." Before I can object she stopped me.

"Christian let me finish first... What happened wasn't your fault, not entirely but it's true that what happened that night did triggered Ana's miscarriage." She paused

"Christian, Ana was very young and weak, then she was so stressed about you. In her second trimester she started lossing more and more every day. Doctors run some tests on her and that day we got her results. As I had suspected, she was suffering from iron deficiency anemia and hyperemesis gravidarum." She explained

"Hyperemesis gravidarum, it's a severe case of excessive nausea and vomiting. Instead of normal morning sickness, Ana was sick many times a day and be unable to keep food or drink down, which can have a negative effect on both of the baby and Ana's life. She had lost so much weight during her pregnancy and was exhausted all the time that we all were worried about her health."

"That day me and your dad was discussing about Ana's health and decided to tell you about her pregnancy but..

"But I heard everything before you can tell me and destroyed everything." I finished for her.

* * *

 **ANASTASIA**

 _An_ _hour_ _ago_

I push open the double doors of the ICU. Standing at the end of Ray's bed is Grace in deep discussion with Dr. James and a second doctor, a woman I've not seen before. Grace beams. Oh, thank heavens.

She is so happy that Christian regained his memory now.

"Ana." She kisses my cheeks, then folds me in her warm embrace.

"Ana. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. It's my father I'm worried about."

"He's in good hands. Doctor Sluder is an expert in her field. We trained together at Yale."

Oh . . .

"Miss Steele," Dr. Sluder greets me very formally. She's short-haired and elfin, with a shy smile and a soft southern accent. "As the lead physician for your father, I'm pleased to tell you that all is on track. His vital signs are stable and strong. We have every faith that he'll make a complete recovery. The brain swelling has stopped, and shows signs of decreasing. This is very encouraging after such a short time."

"That's good news," I murmur.

She smiles warmly at me. "It is, Miss Steele. We're taking real good care of him."

"Great to see you again, Grace."

Grace smiles back. "Likewise, Lorraina."

"Dr. James, let's leave Ana to visit with Mr. Steele."

Dr. James follows in Dr. Sluder's wake to the exit.

I glance over at Ray, and for the first time since his accident, I feel more hopeful. Dr. Sluder and Grace's kind words have rekindled my hope.

Grace takes my hand and squeezes gently. "Ana, sweetheart, sit with him. Talk to him. It's all good. I'll go and check on Christian." I nod

It's been over 48 hours since I arrived in Seattle and so much has happened in that short span of time.

"Hi Dad, I just wanted to say that I love you so much...

And you wouldn't believe what had happened in last two days since I arrived in Seattle." He doesn't respond but I know that he can hear me or something. So I spent next hour telling him everything that has happened.

How Christian remembered everything about me and then he fainted again. Dr. David Williams, who is Christian's doctor since last five years, examined him and suggested to bring him to the hospital and keep him under observation for the night. Grace was informed about the change so she and Carrick was already present in the hospital. Doctors had run some tests on him in the hospital and everything came back normal.

Suddenly my phone pinged with an incoming text message from Grace telling Christian is awake and asking for me.

 ** _Present_**

I was on my way to Christian's room when I feel as if someone is watching me. A tenseness slip over me. An awareness that is instinctive.

I look around the hallway but didn't find anyone familiar so I kept walking. Then I heard someone calling my name and I recognise the person's voice right away.

"Anastasia?.. Anastasia Steele?" Blake Lawrence says and I turn his way

He is tall, broad shoulders, his eyes—still the green that she'd ever seen. His hair was midnight black, cut to perfectly frame the strong planes of his face. Handsome wasn't a word that could be used to describe Blake. It never had been. Sexy. Dangerous. Those were words for him. He's nothing like Christian.

"Hello Blake," I acknowledged

"Wow fancy meeting you here... I think it's been six months since..." He paused

"Since our breakup." I finished for him. He nods

"Are you following me?" I cut to the chase, gone the smile of his face, replaced with pale face. He frowns

"What? What are you talking about? I am here because of my sister, she went into early labour." He explained, I looked at him to figure if he's telling the truth.

"I am sorry, I just.. just surprised to see you here that's all." I apologize for being so rude to him.

"It's okay. And I don't know you moved back to Seattle, boss never mentioned." Narrowing my eyes at his, I ask

"When was the last time you talked to your boss."

"A week back, why?" His answer was instant.

"Dad had been in an accident four days ago, he is in coma since then but he's recovering." I inform him

"Oh Shit! Ana I didn't knew, I am sorry, sweetheart." He took me by surprise when he enveloped me in his arms. I let him hold me for few seconds before pulling away.

"So you still work for my dad but you don't know about his accident."

"Ana, I am on leave right now, if I knew I would have been here for you." He paused

He is suppose to be here for my dad not me.

"Look Ana I really wanted to apologize for everything that happened between us."

"Blake please don't apologize, I overreacted about the whole thing. Plus it wasn't going to work between us either way."

"I realized that Ana, but still we can be friends, right?" He asks hopefully

"Of course we can be friends."

I felt him before I see him. Blake must have noticed the sudden change in me because he asked if I am okay. I nodded before I turn and my blue eyes meets with his gray. And everything fades away, there's only Christian and I standing in the hallway staring at each other.

"Christian" I whispered

"Anastasia" he said, I smile but it didn't last when I saw the person come to stand beside him.

Leila

When she saw me, her smile immediately turned evil. Suddenly an arm slip around my waist and turned me towards him. Blake..

Oh Shit, I know that look and his mischievous smile. Blake lower his head and touch his lips to mine. It wasn't a real kiss, after few seconds he mouth moved to my ear.

"From the look I'm getting right now I would have turned into ashes." He whispered smiling

" What was that about?" I whisper ask.

" Just giving them a little show." He pulled back and told me he'll stay in touch before leaving. Blake knows about Christian and me.

I turned to look at Christian but they both were not there.

What The Hell!

* * *

 **THIRD PARTY POV**

She belonged with him. Away had been his.

Anastasia had to see it. No one else would do for her. No one else could match her the way he did.

They were meant to be.

Her sweet scent still filled his lungs. Her face haunted his nights.

He couldn't get away from her.

He'd make sure she didn't escape from him.

There was no place that she could hide. He'd been watching her for too long. He knew all her secrets.

Anastasia had a dark side. That was why he was so drawn to her.

Anastasia's darkness matched his own.

No one would come between them.

Not now.

Not ever.

He'd see Anastasia dead first.

She is finally where he'd wanted her to be.

* * *

 **AUTHORS NOTE:** A few points

Christian remembered everything, his past as well as present.

Christian have to do lot of hard work to win back Ana, it's definitely not going to be easy for him to do so. Especially when there are crazy stalker behind them both Chris and Ana.

Leila and Elena are not going to let go Christian so easily from their clutches.

And Ana's stalker is willing to do anything to get Ana, Alive or Dead.

Thank you so much for your support so far. Please ignore if there is any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes.


	13. Chapter 10 START OVER

**CHAPTER TEN**

 _Start Over_

 **ANASTASIA**

 _Sunday_

I moaned aloud and pulled my pillow over my head. How dare that son-of-a-gun do this to me? I had only been able to sleep for a few hours because of his games. After he disappeared with Leila yesterday he made no attempt to contact me, as if I don't exist for him. Well he can do whatever he wants, I am so done with him.

My body was exhausted but my mind was wide-awake. I tried relentlessly to sleep through my thoughts, but when four-thirty rolled around, I decided there was no use in trying when I'd proven to myself over the course of the last few hours, I would only fail.

I threw the blanket off my bared legs and padded barefoot from the bedroom. I wore my pajama shorts and a tank top. I walked into the kitchen and glared at the coffee pot. I wished I could remember to set the damned timer so I had fresh coffee waiting for me when I woke up, but that would require I had a set time to rise, and recent events proved, I obviously didn't.

5:38 a.m.

I groaned as I moved across the kitchen to pour the ground grains of deliciousness into the filter before adding the water and pressing start. Now, I had to wait. Since twiddling my thumbs just wouldn't do, I decided to some cleaning. I quickly pulled the vacuum from the pantry and started the machine. I knew Marian was probably going to bite my head off, but oh well. Marian is my dad's housekeeper for as long as I can remember.

When I ran the vacuum over the last inch of floor, I turned it off and put the vacuum away and poured myself a cup of coffee. One milk and two sugar.

I was engrossed in my thoughts that I jumped when my dad's house buzzer rang, interrupting my blazing train of thought. I look at the watch, it's 6:00 a.m.

I shook my head as I padded to the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Miss. Steele?" A male voice replied in question.

"Yes."

"There is a delivery here for you."

I frowned. What could possibly be delivered for me? "Okay I am coming."

I open the door, and a man, who looked to be in his early thirties stood in the hall holding a single flower and an envelope. My heart jumped into my throat.

"Hello, I'm Anastasia Steele."

The man smiled. He assessed me before handing me a single purple flower. It was gorgeous. I had never seen a flower like this before and it had, possibly, become my very favorite.

I eyed the man. "Do you know what kind of flower this is?"

He nodded politely. "It's called a purple hyacinth. It's a unique flower commonly regarded as a symbol of regret."

My blood chilled as I stared at the beautiful flower. Why on earth would this flower be sent to me?

I nodded at the gentleman. "Thank you." I said as I closed the door and leaned my back against the wood. I stared at the envelope. My name was written in handwriting I did recognize immediately.

I wouldn't have opened the envelope if I hadn't been plagued by curiosity. The moment I unfolded the letter, my heart stopped in my chest and I stared breathlessly at the words.

 _Dear Anastasia,_

 _The day I lost my everything._

 _Please forgive me._

 _Christian Grey~_

He's talking about the day he cheated on me and we lost our child. He regrets that day.

* * *

 _Hours later_

My dad's home is covered in different types of flowers. There are so many that every surface and nothing is untouched. It looks like Valentine's Day exploded in here.

There are so many different colour roses that signify different emotions.

 _White Roses~ Innocence and Purity. The day we made love for the first time._

 _Yellow Roses~ Bond of Friendship._

 _Light Pink Roses~ Our Desire and Passion for each other._

And so many others but none of them were signified Love. With every single delivery I kept hoping that Christian would appear himself but that never happened. And I started to loose hope.

Has he fallen in love with Leila? Why does he keep sending me flowers? Why does he left with her yesterday? There are so many unanswered questions that floating in my mind.

The door buzzer startles me from my anguish, and my heart skips a beat. I press the intercom.

"Delivery for Ms. Steele." I rush to open the door and all the breathe leave my lungs when I saw a big bouquet of Red Roses. It's so big that I could not see the delivery man's face. I am so excited that I took the flowers from him and turn, without sparing a moment to look at him.

"Anastasia," Christian's hard voice stopped me in my track and I turned.

"That's how you open a fucking door, Ana?" Christian growls. I jump back in shock and end up tripping over my own feet, falling flat on my ass and the bouquet fall from my hands.

My heart starts pounding at the sound of his voice. Looking up at him, I see his face is set in a hard glare and his jaw is tightly clenched. He's just a big as I remember, but I swear his effect on me is magnified. After all, I know how he kisses, what his hands feel like as they caress my skin, how it feels to be owned by him.

Instantly he's on me, lifting me off the floor like I weigh nothing. I automatically wrap my arms and legs around him to keep from falling. Kicking the door closed with his foot, he walks to the couch, dropping down on to it so I end up straddling him. I know I should be screaming and yelling at him, but my body just clings to his, and I bury my face in his neck. I was scared all day at the thought of lossing him and I finally feel safe again. It's as if he's taken all my worries away with just his presence.

A wave of heat rolls down my own chest, past my stomach and between my thighs. I clench them together, trying to find relief, but all I can do is gasp for air as he down on me. He leans down so slowly that I think he is going to kiss me, but he stops before his lips meet mine. My heart is pounding in my ears as everything around me fades away. Everything dulls except for awareness at how close Christian is to my body.

My moment of relief is swept away by sadness and jealousy. All I saw was him with Leila yesterday. I lose it. Angrily, I push myself off his lap. God! To think I curled myself around him like a loyal puppy. Here I am clinging to him, and he had left me yesterday with another woman? What is wrong with me?

"It's not what you think, Ana," as if reading my mind Christian says softly. He starts to rise and I hold my hand out, not wanting him to get up. He looms over me, filling my entire field of vision. He's easily over a half foot taller than me, and right now I need to be on the same level as him.

"I don't think I can believe you, Christian. Not after what you did yesterday. You left with her and... I am done playing this game of yours. When you don't remember about me, it was so difficult to let you go. But now you remembered everything and still you left with her, I don't know. You seem that kind of person." I throw the words at him as my anger gets the best of me.

"It's not what you think," he said again but firmly this time.

"Doesn't matter. I don't want to fight about this and I'm done crying. I'm letting you go," I say forcefully. Maybe if I'm forceful enough with my words, even I'll believe them.

"You're letting me go?" he says in a tone that implies I've lost it. Maybe I have. God, why does he have to be so beautiful?

I tear my eyes away from him and shift my gaze to my feet. "I can't justify this to myself anymore. I fight with myself trying to rationalize your actions. I go over and over everything that happened between us in my head. I'm driving myself crazy. Every time I give myself over to you, it's just a waste of my love. Leave me alone, Christian." Closing my eyes tighter, I try to stop more tears from falling. I know if I start, I may never stop.

"Ana, baby, look at me," he demand. "Ana, I will explain everything to you. I swear. But please look at me'." I look at him waiting for him to explain.

"Ana, the only reason I left with her yesterday was to put an end to our relationship, otherwise she would never stop interfering in our lives. She had been trying to reach me, so she called home and housekeeper informed her that I am in hospital.

Yesterday when she came to see me at the hospital, she wasn't aware I remembered everything and started telling me lies to make me believe that we had a great relationship. She told me that she is pregnant with my child" I suck in a harsh breathe but he kept going on.

"No Ana she is not pregnant, because she can't get pregnant. And I stopped her and told her that I remembered everything and I don't believe her lies. Six months back she fall sick, she suffered from regular pain on the lower side of abdominal. We found ou the cause of her pains that she had blockage in her fallopian tubes. The doctors has suggested surgery but she refused. So I know that she can't be pregnant."

Does it make me a bad person that I am happy to know Leila can't get pregnant with Christian's child? But I don't care.

"She wasn't expecting me to remember that, so she left with no choice but to accept that we'll never get back together and she left." He paused and I take a deep breath in relief.

"Ana, I was so ashamed that I don't know how to face you. But the thought of lossing you scared the life out of me, I know I don't deserve your love. After what I had done you may never forgive me but I am willing to take whatever you would give me." He kneel in front of me.

"Christian wh..what are you doing?" I ask him.

"Ana I am not asking you to take me back but please don't let me go, don't leave me. We can be friends." His voice choked

Oh My God!

No no no no no.

Christian don't do this.

"Christian please get up. Please Christian don't do this, it's breaking my heart" I fall on my knees in front of him and hugged him. We both cried until our body can't produce another tear. We hold each other like that for eternity. After sometime we pull apart and he pushed himself to his feet and pulled me up on my feets.

"Where do we go from here, Christian?" I asked him looking into his eyes.

"That's depends on you."

"Me?"

"Yes, Ana whatever you decides I'll accept it. If you want us to stay friends I'll be happy with that but know for sure that I am not going anywhere and neither I'm letting you go away from me."

"And if I say I don't want to be your friend. That I want to live with you because that's the only way I know how to live my life. Christian from last five years I'm not living my life, I am trying to survive every day but from last three days I felt my heart beats again. That I always need you no matter where I go. I.." my words cut off as his mouth comes down on mine.

His lips mold against mine and his eyes fall closed. I keep mine open, looking at him, not wanting to miss this. His mouth works against mine, soft and utterly sweet, like I'm delicate and he doesn't want to spook me. Then I feel his warm tongue come out and lick the seam of my mouth.

I open a little for him, I've missed this taste. Power flows from him in waves, and I have to know if it's in his kiss. When his tongue touches mine, my eyes fall closed and I melt into him. My hands go to his chest and my fingers dig into his shirt. There's not an inch of space between us, and somehow I need him closer.

I press hard against his chest. It's best to stop this now and not to go too far.

He releases my mouth and his eyes fly open. They're filled with lust and hunger. A smirk plays on his lips, and damn it, he looks good. Too good, because all I want to do is rub myself against him. My body is screaming for me to do it, but somehow I get myself under control. And old insecurities starts creeping up on me. He must have sense the change in me because he asked whats wrong.

"Christian, I am scared. We've been apart for so long, we have changed so much. What if it didn't work out bet..." He cut me off.

"Everything will work out, Anastasia. If you have any doubts then we will start over again."

"Start over?" I asked confused

"Yes, baby start over. We'll go on dates, we'll get to know each other. Whatever we use to do, like old times." He says before pull me into another kiss.

"Dating huh!" He nods

"Anastasia, would you like to go on a date with me tonight?" He asks

"I would if I hadn't already had plans for the night." I tease him. His eyes narrowed on me.

"Who with? With that hospital guy." He growled and I give him a confused look.

Hospital guy?

Oh yeah! Blake!

"Oh no Christian, Grace had invited me to the Sunday family dinner tonight."

"Ana, who was he?" He asked me seriously

"Christian can we discuss this later, I am starving right now." I try to distract him

"Anastasia!" Christian scowls at me, fury emanating from every pore.

"Fine he's my ex. Can we drop this topic for now, please Christian" I plead

"Ex? He bloody fucking kissed you" he shouts.

"He was only only trying to make you jealous and nothing else. And seriously Christian, we haven't been back together for an hour and we are fighting."

"You are right, let's drop this for now." Thank goodness

"Come, we'll talk about that later, first I need to feed you."

* * *

 **AUTHORS NOTE:** Thank you so much for your support so far. Please ignore if there is any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes.


	14. Not an update

NOT AN UPDATE

SORRY to inform you guys that I won't be able to update for while. I had been in an accident and my right hand is fractured, I am on bed rest and on meds right now.

I asked my lil sis (Kelly) to write this message .

Thank you for your support and I'll try to update as soon as I recover.


End file.
